love. sex. dreams.

• thirteen •

You're gonna hit me like lightning.
• • •
Rakim's words were rolling around in my head all day. I can't believe he actually wants something serious with me, it's not what I would expect from a guy like him, meeting someone like me; especially considering the state I was in. Then there was Carter, my first love, the one that already sold me out once; he gave up on me, on us and we were together for years. Rakim never gave up, not even a little and we've only known each other five months. And to point out the fact that we aren't even a couple. I was so confused, I didn't know what I should do. I went to the roof alone to think. I needed to decide where my life should be going and what's best for me.

It wasn't a hard decision, but delivering the news was. I met Carter at the apartment building, he was happy to see me. We went up and he offered me some coffee. We talked about the good old days and being there again felt weird, I didn't belong anymore.

"I've thought about it a lot, it wasn't easy." I started. I could see his smile on, he was positive I would come back to him because that's what the old me would do; she was compliant and prioritized his needs at all times.

"How did that go?" He had that assuring look in his eyes, like he knows me well; unfortunately he doesn't anymore. He knew the old me.

"I can't do this again, I'm sorry Carter." I said. He was pretty shocked, let me tell you. Like I said, he was sure I'd come back.

"Why not? Did you even think about it?" He was frustrated.

"Oh believe me, I did." I said.

"Then why don't you give us another chance?"

"Us? I didn't need any time alone, I wanted you, not some shitty break up and all the pain that came with it." I loudly said. "But there's no going back now. Even if I wanted to, things will never be the same again."

"So you're picking that asshole? He can make you happy? What does he even do, besides selling drugs." He was getting angrier; that's when the stupid comments started.

"You know what, it's done. Insult him all you want, be angry and frustrated. I hope you'll find your way again." I was better than this.

"Unbelievable. Who are you? I don't even recognize you anymore, talking like this, this hood attitude. The influence of your shitty neighborhood is starting to show." He spat out. I was shocked, where was that coming from?

"Oh fuck off! I'm glad I decided the way I did. I don't know what's happening with you but if you ever loved me and those years meant anything, you will let me go and leave me alone." I said, almost standing at the door.

"Fine, go to him. Leave me!" He yelled out. I couldn't look at him anymore or stand in that apartment a second longer. I shook my head and walked out, shutting the door behind me.
Fuck him.

🦋

It started pouring as I was on my way home, my hair was all wet, my clothes were soaked but I was on a mission. I was running down the street to get in as quickly as I could. I ran up the stairs since the elevator was full and a few seconds later I was standing at Rakim's door again. I knocked. The door opened, him looking at me, a worried expression on his face. I gazed upon this wonderful man and my eyes started tearing up. He waited for me to at least signal him what's going on. I grinned as a tear slid down my cheek and he stuck both his arms out, pulled me close and hugged me tight, closing the door. No words were necessary, he knew exactly what was going through my head. He held me, kissed the top of my head and led me to the bathroom. After removing all my wet clothes, he put them in a dryer. I took a shower and came out wrapped in a towel, my wet hair falling down. He was waiting, sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at me as I was slowly walking up to him. His eyes were staring into mine, then his hands touched my face and slowly slid down my body. The towel fell down and there I was, exposed, standing in front of him. It was all of me, wanting all of him for myself.

I sat on him, slowly pressing my lips on his. We were in slow motion again, until he turned us over and laid me down on his bed, rising above me. He kissed me again, gently biting my lower lip and pulled his sweatpants down. His heartbeat was fast, I felt it when I touched him. His hardness rubbed against me, then slowly slid inside. I shivered and looked into his eyes; I never stopped. He started off very slow, slower than usual. It felt good, very intense and intimate; I don't think I have ever kept eye contact while having sex, so it was pretty special. He pressed a little kiss on my lips here and there but mostly we were just wandering in our fantasy world, sparks flew when we were touching. I thought having so much sex would change the feeling after a while, you know, it all fades out eventually; but it wasn't. It felt like the first time and every other time after that; like something not from this world, like a constant high.
I didn't regret my decision, how could I. I'm falling for him hard and I decided I'll be the one that shows him what a great true love feels like.