Roxanne & Jax

5

Roxanne

Watching him leave, guilt consumes me as the unspoken words sit at the end of my tongue. I need to tell him who I am, but I know that once I do, whatever this thing we have will end and I'm too selfish to let that happen. 

He looks back at me one more time before disappearing for good in the trees that hide my secret place from prying eyes and I release the breath I have been holding this entire time. 

Hopping off of the rock we sat on together, I begin making my way to my bike. I don't want to, but it's time to head back home - well at least back to my apartment. 

So that's what I do. 

The drive is long and cold. I don't have a jacket and the evening air is nipping at my bare arms and legs. It's surprisingly cold for an August night. 

However, in no time, I see the familiar building that holds my tiny apartment and excitement builds within me. I'm tired - there's no denying the exhaustion that's settling into my bones. I am ready to collapse in my warm bed for the night. 

I park my bike in my spot and climb off. Pain radiates between my legs from the long ride, making me kind of waddle to the building entrance. I swing the door open and enter the elevator, riding it to the top floor where my apartment resides. 

I was eighteen when I got this apartment. I was determined to be an independent adult who was capable of living on my own without my father and brother. I wanted to have my own space where I could be who I wanted to be without bugging anyone or having someone there watching me. I wanted to be alone. 

What I didn't know is how lonely being alone is and I soon found myself in my bed at my father's again. It was where I belonged. I am meant to be with family. 

Yet, I kept this apartment. It's kind of my sanctuary - decorated heavily with things only I appreciate and love. Posters of my favourite bands are plastered to the walls and black furniture fill every room. 

It's perfectly me. 

I place Jaxon's helmet on the kitchen counter and grab a beer out of the fridge. Cracking it open, I bring the cool liquid to my lips and chug back as much as I can. Sadness fills me to the core as I look around the empty apartment. Normally, I would at least be on the phone with Lacey or sharing a game of Zombies with my brother, but that's not an option right now and I don't know what to do. 

A soft knock on the door grabs my attention and I feel hope fill my heart as I run to it. Swinging it open, the smile on my face falters when I see Dean. 

Now I know that sounds mean, but I was hoping for my brother or my father or even Lacey. 

Unfortunately, it's just Dean standing awkwardly in the doorway with a container of what looks to be my favourite wonton soup in his hand. 

I give him a small smile and step aside, allowing him to come inside my apartment. It's not the first time he's been here. We've certainly christened every single room in this place. However, this time it doesn't feel right. He's not the man I want here right now. 

Not at all. 

"You missed church," He says after a few moments, setting the soup onto the counter so he can grab a bowl. "To say that Prez was pissed would be an understatement."

"He'll get over it," I whisper, accepting the bowl of hot soup that he slides my way. 

"You okay?" He asks, raising a brow. "You kinda look like a mess, Roxy."

I let out a small laugh, smiling up at him. "I will be," I tell him honestly. "Just a rough day."

He nods his head. "So I've heard. I had a rough night too. Sons of Silence messed with one of our deliveries, so your dad had a handful of us deliver a message."