I Fall Apart

Nora

I tried to enjoy my last few days of freedom before the school year started. I'd heard that junior year was the hardest of all of them. You had to take the most challenging classes. I was still ticked that dad had made me sign up for AP History. The night before school started, I looked over my schedule again. This year, I had Algebra 2, Chemistry (barf), AP History, Junior English, Spanish, Art, and Study Hall.

Sebastian had actually gone to bed with his school clothes on, like he'd talked about all week. Vanessa had to talk him out of wearing his shoes as well. The kid was adorable. I would walk him to his classroom in the morning.

My alarm clock went off at 6:30 the next morning. Reluctantly, I showered and began to prepare myself for school. It took me longer these days, now that I actually cared about my appearance. Before, I just threw on jeans, t-shirt, and threw my hair in a ponytail. Now I took the time to straighten my hair and apply make up. At 7:30, I was ready and had my backpack. Sebastian was literally jumping up and down.

"Listen to Nora and have a good day," Vanessa reminded him, already in her work clothes and high heels. She'd helped me a lot with make-up and hair tips.

"Bye Mommy!" He waved, smiling, and took my hand. I led him out of the apartment complex and down to the subway. We swiped our Metro cards, which made him feel very grown up. He talked my ear off on the subway ride. I barely got a word in.

As we walked up the stairs, he suddenly got a little quiet. I guess the realization had hit him that he was going to be here all day and didn't know anyone. I gave his hand a little squeeze.

"Come on, Sebby," I urged him. "I'll walk you to your classroom."

We walked down the hallway as Sebastian looked around, taking in the sights of an elementary school hallway. All the bulletin boards had fresh butcher paper, waiting for student work to be displayed. We reached his room and I walked him inside. The place looked inviting enough. There were already quite a few kids playing, and lots of parents milling around. If Vanessa had had to drop him off, she probably would have been a wreck.

I knelt down next to Sebastian, and looked at him. "You okay, buddy?"

"Yeah," he said, but his voice sounded unsure.

"Those kids look like they're having fun," I said. "Want to go join in?"

He nodded. We found his cubby and hung up his backpack. I said hello to his teacher and introduced Sebastian to her again, though they'd met at open house. She was very warm and inviting, and told Sebastian he could join in playing with the other kids. That was all it took. As soon as he was playing with the other kids, he was fine. I think he forgot about me completely, which was fine. I discreetly slipped out and headed to the other wing of the building.

I found my locker and put away my notebooks and folders. By the end of the day, it would be filled with textbooks. I still had ten minutes before the bell, so I went to find Aaron. His locker was down the hallway.

By the end of the day, I just wanted to go home and take a nap. This year was going to be so hard. I had already gotten at least two hours of homework and it was the first day. My AP History teacher seemed like a real dick. He had all sorts of specific rules and formats for the assignments we were doing.

I had made a promise to my mom, however, that I would visit her today. I hopped on the subway to Queens. When I arrived, I set my heavy backpack on the floor. Mom was laying on the couch smoking. Great. Now my clothes and hair would smell like cigarettes.

"Hi Mom," I greeted her, trying to make my voice sound cheery. She smiled and stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray. She was at least considerate enough not to smoke when I was in the room.