I Fall Apart

Nora

The next day after school I went to Aunt Shannon's apartment, as I did many days of the week. I can't believe that just a month ago, I hadn't seen her in a decade. Just like that, she was part of my everyday life. She was like a big sister to me. She knew all about clothes and make-up and I could talk to her about boys. Not that Vanessa and I weren't close, but Aunt Shannon was family. It felt good to actually have a positive family relationship.

I had a key to their apartment so I let myself in. I could hear Shannon in the back room talking on the phone so I grabbed some cookies from the pantry and collapsed onto the couch. She walked out a couple minutes later, finishing off her conversation. She put water into the kettle to make some tea.

"I understand," she said into the phone. "No problem. Bye, Lin."

She set the phone down on the counter. "What did Dad want?"

"Oh, nothing," she told me, but I didn't think that was the truth. I don't see why Dad would be calling Aunt Shannon unless something was wrong. "How was school?"

"Fine," I said, munching on my second cookie. "I got an A- on my math test."

"Nice job," she said as she put away clean dishes from the dishwasher. "I'm glad you're getting it."

Aunt Shannon had helped me so much with math. It was my least favorite subject and my teacher was pretty hard. She was merciless with little details. My grade had gone up significantly. I scrolled through my phone as the kettle boiled. Once she'd poured herself a mug she joined me on the couch.

"Seriously, what did Dad want?" I asked her as she blew on her coffee.

"Nothing," she said again. "He just doesn't want me spending lots of money on you."

I looked at her, confused. "Huh?"

"Our shopping sprees," she told me. "I guess he thought I'm spending too much money on you."

"Oh," I said, a little uncomfortable. I didn't like talking about money. Dad had always been kind of stingy with money. I didn't know how much he was worth, but I knew we were comfortable. He didn't spoil me or the boys, which I respected him for. He told me no all the time. It had been nice that Aunt Shannon had been telling me yes. "Sorry."

"Not your fault," she assured me. "I probably should have checked in with him first. I just wanted to treat you."

We chatted on the couch for 15 more minutes or so while she drank her tea. "Well, I need to run down to the market real quick. I forgot to buy a couple ingredients for the dinner tonight."

I told her I'd be fine on my own for a while. I turned on the TV and settled down in my seat. A few minutes later, I decided I wanted a little more to eat. I felt like some toast with Nutella, so I found the bread and put a slice in the toaster. I opened drawers, looking for the cutlery drawer. As I was opening drawers, I came across a junk drawer and a little baggie. I pulled it out and realized it was pot.

I held it up and examined it. There were a few kids at school who had tried it. I was curious. It was a little puzzling as to why it was legal some places and illegal in others. I looked around a little bit and then pulled out one and then stuffed one into my backpack. One wouldn't hurt. I just wanted to see what it was like. There were at least ten joints in there, so I doubt they'd notice. I felt a little guilty as I wandered back to the couch and continued to watch TV.

That weekend, Dad and Vanessa went out for a date night and I was in charge of the boys. We played a lot, and I put them to bed around 8:00. Then, I found the joint and a lighter and went out onto the balcony. I wouldn't want my room smelling suspiciously. I put on a little music and lit up. I sat back and coughed a little bit. Soon, I was feeling really relaxed and a little loopy. I felt like it would be way more fun with friends.