I Fall Apart

Lin

I peeked my head into Sebastian's room, where Nora was curled up in the rocker with one boy on each leg.  Both boys absolutely adored her, and she was a great big sister.  They looked on at the book as Nora quietly read it aloud.  She paused every once in a while when Sebastian had a question or had something to point out.

She was certainly making our lives a lot easier.  Bedtime could sometimes be a fight.  Nora came out a few minutes later, in her pajamas as well, with a book she was reading for English class.

"Thanks for helping with the boys," I told her.

"Sure," she replied as she swung her legs over the arm of the chair.  "Maybe I should start charging you by the book as part of my allowance."

I laughed as I typed away on my laptop.  Witty child.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"How's the book coming?" I asked.  She turned the book around a bit, as if examining it.

"It's fine," she said.  "Ever read it?"

The Great Gatsby.  I think every high schooler had to read it.  "Of course," I said.  "I'm glad you're not just watching the movie instead of reading."

"Never," she said, opening the book to the bookmarked page.  I let her read for a while as I continued to work.  A while later, she got up to get a drink.  When she returned, I closed my laptop.

"Nora, I've been wanting to talk to you about something," I started.

"I already know about the birds and the bees.  Spare me," she said as she plopped down.

"No, not that," I said, glad that Vanessa and her mother had handled those conversations.  "I'm taking a job in L.A. next month.  I'll be there for three weeks.  Since you've been doing so well, I was thinking you could come with me.  We could spend a little time together."

"Just us?" she asked.

"Mmmhmmm," I said.  "What do you think?"

"How would that work with school?" she asked.

"Your teachers could send your assignments," I said.  "I can email them and see what we could work out."

"What would I do all day while you're working?" she asked.

"Depends," I said, crossing my arms.  "You could hang out on set and do homework.  Do a little sight seeing.  Hang out at the beach."

She examined her fingernails as she pondered it.  I kept trying to find little ways to somehow make up for not being in her life for 13 years.  I wanted to spend time with her and be close to her.  In a few short years, she'd be in college.

"You don't have to tell me right now," I assured her.  "Think about it a bit."

She nodded and bit at her nails a little bit.  I opened my laptop up and continued working.  I'd be doing some shooting for Click, Boom.  It wasn't a long enough time to warrant V and the boys coming with me, but it seemed like a perfect opportunity for Nora to come.  She was pretty independent and I don't think she'd ever been to California.

Nora hit the shower a while later and then went to her room.  On the way back to bed, I stopped at her room.  She was on her laptop, looking up things to do in L.A.  I sat down on the bed next to her and looked at her screen with her.

"There's plenty to do," I assured her.  "I'm pretty sure you would not get bored."

She grinned and shook her head as she used her pointer finger to scroll with the touchpad.  The remains of some purple nail polish were there.  I thought back to our last trip together - Wales, when I was filming His Dark Materials.  She'd had a pretty rough time being away from home for so long.  That was when her mom was still around.  She must have been thinking about the same thing.

"I guess I don't have to worry about missing Mom this time," she commented as she kept scrolling.

"No, I guess not," she said a bit sadly.  I hadn't really checked in with her lately about how she was doing.  She seemed to be doing really well, so I hadn't thought about it.

"How are you doing, by the way?" I gently rubbed her arm.  "It still hasn't been very long since she died."

She shrugged and scratched at her arm a little bit.  She wasn't one to talk about her feelings much.  Or when she did, it came in an outburst.  "Okay I guess."

"Do you want to talk about it at all?" I offered.  I hoped she realized she could always talk to me.  Her mother and I hadn't been on great terms, but I did care for her.  She was the mother of my daughter, after all.

"I don't know, not really," she said.  "It just makes me sad."

"Well, sometimes you just need to let it out," I reminded her.  "If you need to do that, it's perfectly fine.  I'm always here to talk."

I leaned forward and kissed her temple. 

"Love you, kiddo," I told her as I stood up.

"Love you too, Dad," she said.

I closed the door and quickly checked in on the boys.  They were both dead to the world.  I joined V in bed, where she was reading an attorney professional journal.

"A little light bedtime reading?" I asked jokingly.

"Prepare to be scientisted," she grinned, then smacked me with the magazine.

"Oh, so you're allowed to make up words now?" I quipped as I climbed in.

"Comes with the degree," she said.  I laid down on my side, propping my head up in my hand.

"I asked Nora about going to L.A. with me," I told her.  We'd spoken about it before, of course.  She'd be fine with the two boys by herself, and our parents were all nearby as well.

"Yeah?  What did she say?"

"She seems interested," I said.  "She was looking up stuff to do in the area."

"What kid wouldn't want to go on a three week trip to California?" Vanessa mused.

"With your father," I pointed out.

"Please," she said.  "She's crazy about you."

"You think?" I asked.

"Yes!  She adores you like all your children do.  I'm minced meat."

I grinned and let my hand run over her belly.  I kissed her cheek.  "They all adore you too."

"I'm not a nutbag," she said.

"What are you trying to say?" I acted like I was offended.

"You're a child yourself," she reminded me.  "You're all kindred souls."

"I'm not sure whether I should be offended or not," I said as I let my hand wander to her bottom.  She smacked me with her magazine again.

"Don't get fresh with me," she said.  I laughed and snatched the journal out of her hands and tossed it on the floor.  She squealed as I climbed on top of her and started tickling, then kissing.  What would I ever do without this woman?