Stay With You (Anthony Rizzo)

56

Anthony

Life has been so hectic lately with Maliyah getting a job and training and I'm working on stuff for the children's hospital and there's the whole baseball thing to think about too. I don't even know what to do with the little free time I have, I usually spend it trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I am busy.

But for the first time in forever, Maliyah and I were going to have a date night. Just her and I in a nice restaurant talking about whatever it is weighing heavy on our hearts. It's been so long since we've had a heart to heart that mine was aching to talk to her. Or we can talk about our future or maybe even one day having a family, I don't know. I never know what comes to that beautiful mind of hers and knowing that she will tell me is what makes it so worth while.

So on this here off day we decide to spend a lot of it on the boat. Being a Florida boy I always loved boats, and I even bought one to keep here so whenever I feel like I needed to get away from the city life I can have a water life, even if it's for just a little while. So Maliyah and I set sail and go out far enough that you could no longer see the city.

Finally we drop anchor and just enjoy floating across the lake. Nothing but the wind and the water to keep us company. It was so nice to be by ourselves for once, no outside noises to keep us from hearing what our hearts really wanted.

"Can I ask you a question" I wonder as I look across the table. I see her hair get taken by the wind and it makes my heart happy.

"Of course" she assures me.

"Are you scared that you're going to get sick again" I ask her.

"Like am I scared that I'll have cancer again" she reiterated.

"Yeah" I reply.

"Somethings it's all I can think about" she admits. "It took me two years for my body to fight it off, that's why when I was told it was over I was just shocked. I didn't think it would ever actually be over. When you go through that for so long you start to believe that it'll never be over. Even if I got better the cancer would have taken away so much that I could never have a peace of mind again. And I was right, leukemia regenerates faster than any other cancer out there, about half the people who survive get it again. And that scares the hell out of me... I can't go through that again. I can't be contained in that hospital again. It's so hard to relearn how to live again, and now I'm playing volleyball and I have a job and I have you, I have so much to lose. If I thought giving up my life before was hard... That's nothing compared to what I would have to give up right now. I don't want to think about getting sick again, but it's very possible" she admits.

"I don't know what I would do if ever lost you" I insist.

"Well then I'm sorry you fell in love with me" she says with a small smile.

"I'm serious Mal, when I had cancer I was scared to die. But I think I'm more afraid of losing you than anything" I admit.

"I wish things were different" she admits.

"I do too. I just... I get so scared sometimes. When I'm on the road and wake up by myself I feel so alone. I feel like I'm missing something and that something is you. And it hits me that one day I can wake up and you wouldn't be here anymore. There's a million things I want to do with you and the thought of not being able to do them scared the shit out of me. One day you can get sick and none of us would have known and you could be gone. Then I lose them best thing that has ever happened to me, I lose the reason I smile at any given moment, I lose the reason I want to play the game, I lose the reason that I've fought so hard for this life in the first place. I don't want to live in a world where I can't look into your eyes. I don't want to take another breath if you can't. I've never known a love like ours and I know I will never have anything in this life more valuable than us. I'm so fucking scared that one day I'll reach out for you and you won't be there" I sniffle.

She takes my hand and places it on her cheek before I quickly cup her face. She looks straight into my eyes and I can see that she was starting to cry too.

"I'm right here, and I will always fight to be right here next to you. No matter how sick I am, no matter how tired or how done with life I am, I will always be here. And I might not always be here, but I don't want you focused on that. Because I am here now and that's what's important. I don't care what happens to us, we've been through too much to give it all up. What makes our love so special is the fact that it beat cancer once already and it will beat anything else thrown this way. I will fight and I will keep fighting until I know that I will be by your side forever. For better or for worse" she promises.

"I love you so much" I whisper.

"I love you too baby" she says softly. She pull me into a tight hug and I wrap my arms around her. A lot of couples don't hug their partner but I love her hugs. They were so comforting and warm and familiar. I could stay like this forever.

"Can't we just stay out here on this boat forever" she asks.

"If I didn't play baseball we would" I admit.

"If you weren't a baseball player and you could do anything, what would you do" she wonders.

"I don't know. There so much I want to do" I admit.

"Well you have to start somewhere, what's the first thing you would do if you never had to do anything ever again" she says.

"You mean after I marry you" I ask and she playfully shoved my shoulder. "I would probably just go and visit a bunch of children's hospitals, try to put a smile on their faces. Treat them like normal kids and make some memories" I admit.

"I love your heart" she insists.

"And I love you."