When I'm gone

All this time

Chapter 11

(2 months later)

Brandi's POV

It's been months since I've spoken to Demi every now and then she'll call but I can't stand the pain it brings to only hear her voice and not feel her hugs. After finishing 11th grade and Laura getting her own place I moved in with her in the new apartment. I still reminisce on the moment I met Demi 2 nearly two years ago. Not a lot has changed in my life my dad is still in jail and well, now I have a boyfriend.

Tristan

  I wouldn't say he is the best role-model considering he gets me drunk a lot and dropped out of high school last year. Sometimes I feel like I only do these things with him looking for some kind of love or affection, but he barely gives any. Sometimes a kiss or a hug but I still feel empty at the end of the day when he's mostly there for the sex. Laura's voice called for me throughout the apartment. "Brandi?" Where are you?" I quickly pushed Tristan off of me, now I was beyond frustrated because she had interrupted our heated make-out session. I groaned as he laid beside me doing the same. "I'll be back." I whispered kissing him before getting up out of bed throwing on his t-shirt and running to the living room with no underwear. The shirt was just long enough to cover me up. "Hey, sorry what did you need?" She looked me up and down disgusted. "What did I tell you about having sex with your man in my place?" I rolled my eyes. "Don't give me that shit, and we weren't doing anything more than kissing." She shook her head, turning back to the groceries. "Demi called me today." I sighed, taking in a breath of relief. How much did I really miss her? She is still in the back of my mind but I had to leave her in a past that felt like a long time ago. "What did she say?" I asked feeling saddened that she still called at least every other day to tell me she still misses me and I didn't even bother with her anymore. It hurt too much to talk to her.

"She said she loves you and misses you and that she's having a concert here this weekend." I smiled jumping up on the counter just as Tristan entered the room with just his shorts on. "You look sexy." I said smirking and ignoring Laura's glare at me in my peripheral vision. "Get a room, geez." Laura commented, shoving milk in the fridge. He came over to me standing between my legs as I wrapped them around him and he lifted me off the counter pecking my lips before dropping me back on my feet. "I gotta run, my Friends having a party gotta be there for his birthday." I smiled, hugging him and kissing him again before he stood there staring. "My shirt." He said pointing. I quickly ran off to the room, getting changed then handing him his shirt back. I honestly thought I'd never fall for anyone harder than I did him. He left without another word and I turned back to laura. "You were saying?" She threw the last bag away walking off to the living room and sitting on the couch, turning on the tv. "Well before I got rudely interrupted by your man, I wanted to know if you wanted to go see Demi again?" I stared at her Demi was almost 23 now and two years of separation had almost shredded our friendship to pieces and it would be if Demi wasn't holding on tightly. "Sure I'd love to see her." I broke the silence. "Damn that's a first. You've been ignoring her all This time and now you wanna see her?" I shrugged. Deep down I was hurting. I was still that broken 14 year old she met at the neon lights tour but I'd manage to hide for a whole two months from everyone. Now was when I needed Demi most but I hated myself for being a burden. "Wait tomorrow's the weekend." I blurted out. "Yeeaaahh, and?" She asked clueless as to why I had my little outburst. "I only have a day to get prepared." She just looked back at mtv, shrugging. "You're so stupid you know that?" I laughed falsely. "Yeah totally." I walked numbly to my room, closing the door silently as a tear cascaded down my face followed by many more. What will Demi think? Will she hate me? Saying I love you over a text is so much different than having to say it in person. She'll probably hate me. I know she will. I'm not that cute little girl she fell in love with. Memories of that month we spent together came flooding back.

~Flashback~

Demi and I were curled up together in her bed while she was spooning me. This silence was the kind I loved. "What if I adopted you?" Demi whispered, her breath tickling my ear. "You have the wildest ideas dems." She shook her head, sitting up. "No. I'm serious. What if I adopted you?" I giggled, pushing myself up and looking her in the eyes. "Then I guess I'd be Brandi Lovato." I stated the obvious. There was a seriousness in her gaze at me, making me realize that she wanted to adopt me and was asking for my permission. "Demi you can't be serious?" I asked, shocked. "But I am, we've become so close these last few weeks and I really want you to have my last name." I looked over at the alarm clock. 4:00 am; all the wrong decisions are made after two. "Dems sleep on it then ask me in the morning because your only 21."

She never mentioned again but every now and then I'd catch her and Marissa talking about it or noticed the way she looked at me in a motherly way, like all she ever wanted was the best for me.

~End of flashback~

This was the second time today that I'd found myself by the blades side. I let the familiar pain linger in my wrists as I drug the metal across my own body once more. I screwed up recovery a long time ago. I stopped trying to eat unless I had to and Laura had given up on me too. It all feels so hopeless; this fight. A sudden rush of hope came to me. Demi was the one and only person that could ever save me. She made me feel safe, the way she held me for hours letting cry in her arms, the times she'd raise my head up and tell me it's all gonna be okay and that was the only times I ever believed it would be. I now realized I needed her more than anything right now. I needed her back and I was determined in any way possible to get her back. I let my head fall back against the door as tears blurred my vision.

I had to get her back.

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Okay so I skipped ahead 2 years. don't worry drama is coming.

Should her and Demi fight?

Do you like Tristan or should he go?

Should her dad break out of prison?

That's all I got so...

Stay strong

~Hannah