When I'm gone

Faking it

Chapter 22

Demi's POV

There was some sense of patience in my writing as the pen met the paper and lyrics flowed from my mind and onto the paper in front of me. A knock interrupted the laid back atmosphere. "Come in." I called as writers block continued creeping up on me. I spun around in the computer chair and my eyes met Maddie's. "Hey baby." I beckoned her over with open arms and took her in my embrace. "I had a nightmare." I smiled letting her sit in my lap as I continued my song lyrics. After a while of fighting off the sleepiness I put away the pencil, switching off my desk lamp and gently waking Maddie who was laying in my arms. "Baby, you want to sleep with me?" She nodded and I tucked her under the cold covers, climbing in beside her. "Night dems." For a second I mistakes Maddie for Brandi and I felt bad but kissed Maddie and turned off the bedside lamp. "Goodnight babygirl."

The sun beamed through my curtains, lighting up the room. I laid there a second then rolled over to find that Maddie had already woken up. I pushed myself up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and walking to my bathroom, brushing my teeth and cleaning my face. "Mom." The word was unfamiliar in my world but I was slowly learning to adjust to Brandi referring to me as mom instead of Demi. "Yes baby?" I turned and she hugged me. "What is it?" She shrugged and pulled away smiling. "I just love you so fucking much." I looked down at her stopping the motion of brushing my teeth. "Language." Brandi giggled, mimicking the noise I had made. "Hehe to you too." Wow, Was that what I sounded like? "Okay cool." I called and she exited my bedroom.

Brandi's POV

Today would be harder than I thought. Slowly I was getting used to Laura being gone but it felt more like a dream. I trailed off slightly lost in thought until Maddie interrupted me. "Morning." I spun around walking backwards smiling as she ran and jumped into my arms. "Stop." I whined dropping her and she laughed and continued off downstairs to the living room and I followed. "So how are things?" She asked, creating a bit of small talk. "Without Laura, not good. I miss my other half a LOT." She smiled. "You got me to keep you company." Haha right, that is until Bea comes over then you're all hers. Forget Brandi. The voices began whispering into my ear.

Cut Brandi

Your not worth her time anyways

Your so stupid for thinking she would ever be your friend.

"Brandi?" I shook my head looking over at Maddie. "Sorry, I'm just a little tired." A smile was all I got in return but even this didn't distract me from the existing voice in my head that continued to bring me closer to the blade. I got up and started up the stairs and Maddie got up. "Where you going?" I continued up the stairs faking a smile. "Bathroom." She nodded and I turned only to come face to face with Demi. We stood there a short second, our eyes meeting before I sprinted past her and into my room closing the door and locking it. I didn't want Demi to come knocking which I knew would happen soon so I scooted into the bathroom closing the door and locking that one as well. Demi's voice was a faint reminder of what I would have to do when I got out of my room. "Brandi." The doorknob to my room door jingling caught me off guard and I jumped a bit. The shiny piece of metal in my hand reminded me that I was still struggling, still stuck at rock bottom.

You've overcome this two times, fight this one.

I flipped it over and found my warped reflection staring at it before bringing it up to my wrist. I sighed, regret already taking its toll on me.

Stop baby. Take a step back for Laura.

I closed my eyes, tightly. Oh god how much I wanted to let that metal run across my skin but I got up, cutting on the shower and stripping. I peeked at my reflection out of the corner of my eyes but quickly looked away. How am I so fat? The steaming water ran down my back, turning my skin red. I stood there in the water, tears brimming over my eyes and mixing with the water all around me. I lost myself a long time ago all the times Demi tried to save me were pointless I always ended up back here. I cut off the water wrapping myself up in a towel.

Congrats you were strong. Stay strong for Laura.

I felt good about my accomplishment until it all became ruins in my thoughts. Demi's knocks were no longer there. She left me, she really left me. Demi doesn't care it was all just a lie. The lies continued pouring out from the back of my mind making doubt firmly planted in my mind. I looked away from the hideous reflection that was supposed to be me. That can't be me, but it is. I pulled the towel tighter around me, searching for a sense of safety but it never came. I got dressed, sitting on my bed and staring down at the floor where my feet rest.

Demi's POV

What was I supposed to do? It had been half an hour since she locked herself in her room and the sense of hopelessness was overbearing. Did she hurt herself or was it just her need to be alone when the tears finally start to fall? These feelings scared me. I couldn't cry not for this reason. She's fine, she didn't hurt herself. I reminded myself before getting up and going downstairs to find Maddie sitting on the couch. "You sleep good last night?" She smiled. "In your arms? Absolutely." She stood up and walked to the kitchen. "You need to stop growing, you're almost as tall as me." She laughed, turning around with a bowl of cereal. Sometimes being short had it's positives but it's got some negatives too. "It's not my fault you're short." I shook my head, dumping some cereal into my bowl but immediately feeling awkward. Maddie's looks told me she knew I was having a bit of trouble. "You're perfect Demi, I want your body if that makes you feel any better." I sat down, staring at the food in front of me. "I haven't been to the gym in weeks." I whispered not bothering to look up. The clack of a spoon being set down forced my eyes to dart over but only for a second. I couldn't eat, I had been eating so much junk food on tour that I had probably gained 70 pounds just in those short weeks. Brandi's sniff was what brought me out of my thoughts. I spun around in the chair to look at her staring at the ground a tear dropping. "What's the matter?" She shook her head looking up. "Everyth-thing." I knew this was because Laura was gone all the tears in the next few days would be for that reason. I sighed and got up, wrapping my arms around her when she tightened her grip on me. "Is it Laura?" She nodded in return and started crying again. "It'll be okay, I'm here."

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I could honestly remove this chapter but I figured I wouldn't since it shows a bit of brandi's recovery.

Stay strong

~Hannah