When I'm gone

Weather the storm

Chapter 20

Demi's POV

    Once we returned home from our eventful shopping trip I sent Maddie and Bea home. Brandi and I sat cuddling on the couch. "About the store..." I didn't see where she was going with this. "Yeah?" She was playing with my hands and the rings on my fingers. "I'm sorry." She hugged me and I pulled her back. "Baby, there's no reason to be sorry." She paused and the silence was choking me. I felt uneasy anticipating to future. "There's a reason I'm sorry." I shook my head. "What is it?" I shifted now facing her as she played with the ends of her sleeves pulling them down further. "N-never mind." I felt her pain. I knew by the way she was stumbling over her words and playing with her sleeves that it was a matter of time before I'd have to take in the sight of my babygirl's cuts. I pulled her into a hug, wrapping my arms securely around her. "You don't have to speak or tell me what's going on because I can tell your hurting." She breathed silently into my chest as she clutched onto my shirt. "Can we just sleep?" I nodded and picked her up easily. "You're really light." I remarked not meaning to say it aloud.

Brandi's POV

   I was dropped onto the unfamiliar bed and Demi slid in beside me, wrapping her arms around me. "You know I love you right?" I nodded. Of course I knew she loved me. There was still a bit of doubt creeping in the corners of my mind, whispering hurtful things at me.

She's an actor, she's trained to lie.

She could never love you as much as she leads you on to be.

Lie after lie and you believe every bit of it.

I rolled over, facing away from Demi as Tears escaped silently. She was still awake but couldn't tell I was crying. "Demi?" My voice didn't crack and I thanked God for that. "Yeah baby?" I shook my head and she shifted. "Why did this happen to me? Why am I so screwed up?" She took in a deep breath, getting closer. "I can't sit here and tell you that This is fair or can be justified in any way because nobody should ever have to feel the pain of depression." My body convulsed  and my face I imagined twisted into something ugly from the tears. My breathing never evened out instead I worked myself up, creating something I haven't had in a while... A panic attack. She hovered over me as I struggled to grasp onto reality. "D-Demi!" I whispered breathlessly, my heart beating heavily as I choked on every breath that passed through my airway. "Baby you gotta breath, it's just me and you. Match my breathing." She pulled my limp body close to her chest and I gripped my hands into her back, like my life depended on it. It wasn't Until I was calm again that I knew what was happening. She looked me in the eyes then rolled over beside me, getting as close as her body would allow. "That's the first one I've had in a long 4 years." She intertwined our hands and I stared at the white ceiling in silence. "Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I'm gonna fix this." I sighed and let my eyes slip close. "It's impossible." I mumbled against her chest and I fell to darkness. Kinda like my life in a summary... and I fell to darkness...

Demi's POV

How can she say that? It's not hopeless. Not if I give my everything. I can fix her, I can save her. If I give my every breath and go to the ends of the earth and back, if I speak life and light into the shell of darkness her body has become maybe I can beckon the real girl out. I have to try. I can't live without her. I'd gotten so close to her the past year that there was nothing stopping me, there was nothing that could keep me from giving up everything for this girl, my daughter. I liked the sound of that, my daughter. I watched her chest rise and fall. I felt selfish for feeling this way, I felt like this was a one way deal. Like I only needed her and she didn't need me. I could be thrown away just as easily I found her.

~ Flashback ~

I took this girl in my arms and there was an instant connection I felt a deep feeling, something in my stomach. "What's wrong sweetie?" I wiped away the stray tear gently. "What's your name?" She looked star struck and I ignored the fact that she could possibly go crazy. Slowly I pulled her fetus body back into mine. "My name's Brandi."