phan one shots

faded | song fic

Summary: song fic, Faded by Alan Walker. Based on the video above.

TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, angst, suicide attempt, alcohol

You were the shadow to my light
Did you feel us?

The party raged all around him, lights flashing over the laughing faces of his friends with red cups filled with alcohol in their hands. Sloshing over the sides as they danced, swaying from side to side, girls and boys and those in between spinning each other around, flirting with fluttering lashes and dark eyes. Maybe once upon a time Dan would have enjoyed this type of thing, but not anymore. Now everything seemed to fly right over his head. His eyes staring ahead, his gaze empty as he sat on the ground, leaning back against the couch as he waited anxiously for this party to be over. For everything to be over. He couldn't enjoy anything anymore.

Another start
You fade away

Phil trudged slowly, walking like his feet were made of lead. A train shot past as he walked down the street, the sky as gray and colorless as he felt inside. His chest was full of knives, and he was bleeding out although no one could see. His eyes were burning with the choked sobs and tears he was holding back. An invisible force, the demons in his head had their fingers wrapped around his throat. He could feel the cold burning through his skin and burying itself in his bones, bones made of stone, and full of sharp, twisted words. With each step he took, he wondered how close he was to the edge, because even if this walk was an escape, it was only temporary. He would have to go back to his hell sooner or later.

Afraid our aim is out of sight
Wanna see us
Alive

A scream tore from Dan's throat, falling from
his dry lips in an agonized cry for help that no one would hear. He clutched his curls between his fingers, digging his nails into his scalp, quietly begging for silence, but the words etched into his mind only grew louder with each passing second. He doubled over, tears spilling over the dark frame of his lashes and staining his pink tinted cheeks. Would there ever be silence?

Where are you now?

They sat in front of the fire on worn out couches, Dan's head in Phil's lap as the black haired boy stared into the vibrant flames. His sapphire eyes shined in the light, highlighting the hues of yellow and green. Neither of them spoke, Phil absentmindedly playing with Dan's hair and Dan humming something under his breath, his deep, coffee eyes half closed, his foot tapping unconsciously. They were just together.

Where are you now?

Dan stood on the edge of a diving board, staring down into the bright blue water underneath him. The color reminded him of Phil, but he shook the thought away as slight panic settled in his throat. His bare chest was on display, his bones sticking out of his sun kissed, honey skin, his feet shuffling nervously. He didn't like people seeing his body. He hated his body. He hated it.

Where are you now?
Was it all in my fantasy?

Phil stormed down the street, the black sky like a dark blanket above him on this starless night. The cool air nipped at his nose and cheeks, making his pale face turn rosy from the cold. He ran a shaky hand through his midnight hair as he looked around desperately for his brown eyed boyfriend. Where was he?

Where are you now?
Were you only imaginary?

Dan shot up in bed in a cold sweat, breathing hard and fast as he gripped his sheets between his fingers. He'd had a nightmare. He'd had plenty before, but this one was about a certain pretty blue eyed boy. A pretty blue eyed boy that had never existed, at least in his messed up imagined reality. He couldn't help but wonder if that was the truth. Sometimes he thought Phil was too perfect to be real. Sometimes he wondered why Phil wasn't with him when he really needed it.