Summary: Another one about Phil helping Dan through his depression, but a different writing style.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: depression
What do you do when you hate yourself?
What do you do when the pain of pure loathing, disgust at your own existence, seeps into your veins and poisons you until you're choking on your own tears?
What do you do when your head is full of sugar promises laced in venom, lulling voices promising happiness and forcing your cold hands to dig your own grave, your lips wobbling, but shaking with a smile stolen from the last of your dying sunshine and you lie through your teeth, lie, and lie, and lie.
What you want to say is, why?
What he wants to say is, why?
Why the hell do you like me?
Why do you tolerate me?
Why do you speak to me?
Why don't you just beat me black and blue?
Why don't you tell me the truth?
Why do you say all these pretty things, and speak those pretty words, to console such an ugly and scarred creature?
What am I worth, what do you possibly see that doesn't compel you to turn right back around and leave me?
My mind is a mess of shattered pieces.
I am shattered.
I deserve nothing.
He wonders that. He wants to ask that.
But they have stolen his breath from his lungs and hold his delicate throat in their fingers and squeeze until his limbs are numb and his eyes won't close, and he can't say a word.
No one wants a word from you.
He shuts up, shuts up
SHUT UP.
"My beautiful Dan,"
Liar.
"I love you, my brilliant Dan,"
Liar.
"You're so precious, my gorgeous Dan,"
Liar. Liar, liar, liar.
How could that possibly be the truth?
Please don't lie to me anymore.
Phil.
PHIL.
He lies through his teeth, but the beautiful boy with eyes made of oceans and lips made of candy and lace, skin made of clouds and snow, hair made of the night sky, heart full of universes, sunshine, sunshine, sunshine smile, he always knows.
He has a darkness too.
He was too broken.
You're beautiful Phil.
Even if you don't believe it.
He holds him through his endless nights, his silent days, his breaking skies, but when his skin is unraveling and falling from his bones,
He
Can't
Say
A word.
YOU ARE READING
phan one shots
FanfictionA collection of one shots about two of my favorite people, Dan Howell and Phil Lester. I take requests. While there might be some angst in a few of these they will ALWAYS HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS. While I do ship them and they are my OTP I completely resp...
