Heartbeat // A Derek Hale Love Story (Teen Wolf)

Blockade

A/N: Alright friends, these next few chapters might be a bit rough with Derek not in them, but I really hope you all bear with me. These next chapters are very important to the plot, and I promise the wait will be worth it. I truly appreciate your support and reads. 

Cheers, 

- TAAF_

Lillian's POV

I'd forgotten how awful breakups were. Or maybe I never learned. Not like this. I had almost never been so conscious of someone being gone day in and day out as I was in the weeks after I broke up with Derek. The days turned into weeks.

Every day I'd wake up and remember. Remember what he was, what he'd done and that he was gone. I could still see the flash of those electric eyes and the snarl. The way he threw Stiles against the railing of the police station, teeth bared. I still shuddered at the thoughts that flooded my days.

The worst part was I missed him. So much. The kind of missing that never ended. It was always somehow on my mind. The psychological battle was exhausting. I was terrified and horrified at what Derek had done, and yet my chest ached with longing.

Even if he hadn't been the one to kill my grandfather, someone with sharp teeth and claws did. Someone whose world in which Derek was entangled with no chance of escape.

The most damming piece of evidence of all was that Derek hadn't tried to defend himself. He heard what Stiles said and made no attempt to talk or tell me Stiles was wrong. The silence might as well have been a confirmation. One of the most devastating confirmations I've ever heard.

I expected more from him. I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't just give up. At least, I thought I knew him. Maybe he never cared about me at all. After everything, I didn't know what was real. Maybe none of it had been. The endless nights of cuddles and Netflix, the rebuilding fences just for me, the fact that he stayed by my side for six weeks while I healed. All of it. Vanished into the mist that slid through the open door of the loft I laid in. Derek was gone like the rest of it.

And as horribly cliche as it was, the loft felt empty. Or maybe it was just my heart.

*

The only thing I considered a good outcome of Derek being gone was the amount of work I got done in his wake. Being useful and productive was what made me feel okay. Even if it was momentary.

The horses were better exercised than ever and Hudson received boundless attention. I was making bank with the extra shifts I took at the clinic because my days had become painfully available.

Stiles came to visit from time to time, and I saw Scott at the clinic all the time, all of us conveniently not discussing Derek or the fact that Scott was a werewolf now, too. I didn't even know how that was manifesting for him. If he was okay or not. I'd put up a blockade in my mind against a part of the world. And it had held. So far.

Instead of going to the Foundry, I worked out at home. And despite my lack of interest in leaving my property, except to the clinic, I found myself at a local grocery store in Beacon Hills, struggling against my conscience that demanded I not purchase the two-litre container of ice cream to drown in.

I had my hand on the sweet, sweet Rocky Road when Will walked in and was a bit shocked that I had not heard him coming with his car boots on. They did battle with the tiles he walked. My hand flew off the ice cream as he called my name. Hearing it still made my heart jolt a bit, to my dismay.

"Hey," I replied, the beginnings of a grin on my face at the sight of his.

"Hey," Will smiled, gesturing to the freezer before me. "Ben & Jerry's?"

I nodded. "You know it."

"So how have you been?"

With the question came another in my mind: the truth or pleasantries?

"I'm alright," I said it quickly, brushing my hair over my shoulders. "Been pretty busy." A lie. A bald-faced lie. I had sequestered myself by choice. I'd done it to myself.

"Ah."

"How's the new barn?" I added, the gleam of the fluorescence catching his belt.

Will dipped his head and smiled. "It's great. I'm working on a colt with an attitude. Been bucked off more times than I can count." He ran his hand through his hair, "I miss your place, though. I love those horses. They're a lot of fun."

"You should come visit," I blurted before I thought about what I was saying.

"I would love that," Will grinned. "Maybe I could take Fraser out for a ride?"

The image of the powerful horse flashed in my vision; One of my grandfathers favourite horses. Fraser was the biggest of all the horses we had with hooves is the size of my head. I shuddered at the thought of being crushed under one. My chest twinged.

"I'm sure we could arrange that," I said. "When are you free?"

"I work weekdays, have weekends off."

"I'll have to check my schedule for the week," I replied. "But we can see if we can figure something out."

"I'd like that."

...

I rarely woke up in the middle of the night, but when I did, it was for a good reason.the night before well it was supposed to come over I jolted awake to a stabbing pain in my arm, so sudden and so bad that I nearly screamed.I shot up, clutching my forearm as pain burned through it.

Hudson was in my face almost instantly, sniffing and licking as if he could take the pain, but I swatted him away, fumbling for a light. Once I could see, I squinted at my arm, clenching and unclenching my fist.

The pain began to slink back, taking its ferocity with it, leaving a dull ache.

"What on Earth..." I mumbled, rubbing my muscle. It could have been a muscle spasm, but I was hard pressed to find one that hurt as badly as that had. I reached into my bedside table drawer, fishing out two Advil and knocking them back like shots, shuddering as they slid down my throat.

I glanced at my watch. 2 AM. Fourteen hours until Will was to come for a visit. I swallowed. Great. That was the thing happening today. Yikes.

I was nervous, and I wasn't sure why. The whole reason I liked Will was for how easy it was to be around him. At least it had always been, but I haven't been alone with him since... Since he left.

Today was going to be interesting.