Heartbeat // A Derek Hale Love Story (Teen Wolf)

Try

Lillian's POV

My forearm was still sore by four in the afternoon and my mouth had assigned itself to a state of perpetual dryness since I'd awoken. I wasn't sure what the deal was, only that I wished it would stop. If after what happened with Will made me this nervous somehow, we probably couldn't go back to being friends. As he pulled up our driveway, I supposed I was about to find out.

Will walked with a swagger when he got out of his truck, the same swagger that used to make me weak at the knees. He knew his way around the barn. He'd even lived in the space I now called my home. Used to.

He was the boy in the loft. The clichéd, beautiful ranch hand and as he grinned at me, I remembered why and how things had happened between us.

"Hey," Will greeted, stepping into the aisle of the barn in which I stood. The whole scene was way too familiar, transporting me to a time when my grandfather was still alive and I had my raging crush on Will.

I sighed. "Hey."

"Do you want to go for a ride?" Will asked, glancing around the barn.

"Sure," I said, too quickly, wiping my slick palms on my jeans. "Fraser's out in the backfield."

"Ah, testing my skills, are you?" Will mused, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Sure," I joked. "His tack is in the same place as before. Basically, nothing has changed since you left."

"Hm." Will surveyed me, resting a hand on his hip. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," I said, eyebrows scrunched. "I'm going to grab Ophelia."

I wasn't sure what to make of Will's question and I didn't know what he meant. I wasn't sure I wanted to find out, either.

...

Once we set out on our ride, Ophelia was a solid, comforting presence beneath me. Steadying me. I didn't know what to say to Will. It was as if I'd reverted back to a sixteen-year-old version of myself who didn't know how to talk to boys.

It was both a strange relief and something that made my stomach churn when Will finally asked the question I knew had been brewing for a while.

"So, have you been seeing anyone recently?"

Derek immediately appeared in my mind, like he'd ever really left, following a recent theme. The Derek I'd come to realize I maybe didn't even want him off my mind. I didn't know anymore.

"I was," I managed, in a tone caught between bitterness and sorrow.

I still subconsciously waited for that call of explanation. Hell, even a text would've done at that point. I just couldn't comprehend how it all wasn't real. Him caring. Even with the wolf thing, I thought he would at least try to get me back. Over the time he'd been gone, I realized I'd wanted him to. The Derek I thought I'd known wouldn't have just given up. He would've tried. I wanted him to try.

I couldn't stop myself from considering where we could've been if he'd just pick up the phone and try.

I still couldn't bring myself to do the same. Maybe I couldn't swallow my own pride of going back on my word when I snarled "stay the hell away from me." I wasn't sure. I thought all the things and let myself hurt over it but never did anything. Maybe I was scared of what would happen after I took that step.

"Was it serious?" was Will's inquiry.

"Yeah," I huffed, unsure whether to let him continue the line of questioning.

"How long?"

"Since we broke up or how long we were dating?"

"Both."