i say i'm not
a material person
but sometimes
buying socks or jewelry
or stuffed animals or shirts
is the only way i can feel better,
and sometimes
i want to kill myself
if i learn that a single person
believes that i am a bad person.
i know that everything on this earth
is temporary
and that someday
when my body is in the ground
and my soul is in the stars
that none of this will matter,
but i still want things
and i still want a perfect reputation
and i think if you don't love me back
that my lungs and heart
might be without purpose.
i don't live for myself,
i live so people don't resent me
for leaving,
i live so i don't miss the hype
over the next new album,
the next season of my
million-and-one favorite shows.
i say i'm immaterial
but really
that just spells
"i'm material."
YOU ARE READING
Survive: Collected Poems
Poetry~WATTY'S 2019~ ~NOTICE~ AS OF 2/3/19, THIS COLLECTION HAS TOO MANY PARTS! READ VOLUME 2, THRIVE, OUT TODAY! On the pain, love, and passion that makes me human. Potential swearing, mentions of suicide, self harm, depression, rape, etc.
