Wrong Ties

Chapter one

warning: contains graphic content and triggering words. (SA)

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the night after my own mother's funeral, the dirt still visible on my finger tips from where I buried my mother. I didn't feel like washing them, it was a sense of comfort. 

Darkness fills the room as he enters, at 15 not knowing what was about to happen, I still felt a sense of darkness.

I lay on my bed half asleep, peeking up as I hear my bedroom door slightly open, i rub my eyes slightly as man figure appears in my presence walking slowly towards to my bed. Back then i didn't know better and thought i was dreaming.

I shut my eyes and doze off into a deep sleep once again not realising or taking in the figure seriously.

I awake and wince in pain as I'm being woken up by an Intense sharp pain, the pain made me cry i wouldn't know how to describe it but it felt wasn't the pain that seemed to traumatized me, it was the act of betrayal.

I try to scream but soon realise he had placed his hand tightly upon my mouth shutting me up. My muffled sobs and tears doesn't seem to be enough for him to stop. I was terrified, confused and soul crushed as I recognised his scent of cologne. My eyes widen as i take in the man in front of me, my step father. My Tears roll down my face as he continues to thrust into me yet somehow i still try And convince myself that this is just a  very bad dream. Every minute he spent in my room felt like an eternity.

When he finished he got up from behind me, zips up his pants and demands me not to tell anyone or I will have to face a matter of life or death consequences. I wasn't opposed to dying at that moment, But I held on to a little faith my mother had always had for me before she died.

A man I've known my whole life decided to take my most prize position without consent, My virginity.

Two years have passed since my stepfather first took serious advantage of me, Did it happen again? Yes multiple times, enough times that all I could think about was dying.It was like a never ending story, at times I'd resist but it wasn't enough, I'm just simply too weak.

I miss my mother but now that sets gone... its hard to keep going.

 I don't really know what happened to her but from what I've been told from the monster himself, she overdosed.

 I don't understand her death exactly due to the fact i wasn't aware drugs were in the picture but it is what it is. My mother was so beautiful with the purest soul. ill always remember her soft green eyes.

eventually the word got around and the craziest thing about it is that, I was bullied because of her death or sometimes even blamed. it wasn't her exactly, it was her cause of death that rattled these entitled teens. 

I questioned my mother why she would enrolled me at a snobby rich school, but of course it was Johns idea.

I used to have the school drop by my feet and praise me like i was their god, obviously i hated it but it all changed drastically.

You'd think they would've had sympathy but unfortunately when theres competition out for your throne, it gets messy and having human decency doesn't seem to run in this school.

And then things get worse when your ex best friend starts making  another rumour  stating i sleep with old men. 

At 17, I should be an average teenager who hates the world, frankly i already do but i should hate the world for different and petty  reasons. When you're in High School just about everything feels like the end of the world, a early curfew, final exams, High School drama and soccer practice. Turns out what we thought was the end of the world, wasn't.

I'm glad I had one friend though,Kalani.

she  has been there for me since i can even remember, although she doesn't know what's happening to me behind closed doors she could still write an entire book. Kalani and i have been best friends till i can remember, she's totally opposite from me and we are definitely different but thats what makes us work so well together in some messed up way.

Coming back to reality, I'm layin upon my bed trying to gather my thoughts that are spiralling out of control, tomorrow is the first day back at school.

 I spent my summer literally doing absolutely nothing, i sat around listening to music and read most of the time. I wasted what could potentially be my last summer, how freaking great. 

I suck in a breath and try to exhale it out steady and slowly, trying to calm myself down. one more year, just one more year of this school then I'd be free and go off and live my life. I don't know what to expect from this year but hopefully it's going to be slightly better than last years.

and if it doesn't? we'll see.