kelsey
i still feel the need to harm myself. im obviously not gonna do it with joey here. is that bad? yes it most certainly is and i DONT recommend it at all. its a horrible feeling. i just feel like i dont have a purpose anymore. im always gonna be seen as the slut who has no friends and dates joey for popularity. the second one is the only correct rumor, but that doesnt even matter. everyone believes it and its breaking me down when im already down.
i woke up and looked in joeys hazel eyes which happened to be looking in mine too. "how are you feeling?" he asked.
"awful." i sighed.
"are you sick or...?"
"depressed?" i asked.
"uhh yeah...?"
"i dont wanna talk about it." i sighed.
"do you need help?" he asked, "like a therapist or something?"
"no ill be fine..." i said.
"can you please talk to me, like eventually it doesnt have to be right now." he said and i sat up.
"im seen as a slut, always. thats the second time some guy took advantage of me because im a fucking slut." i cried.
"you arent a slut!" joey said and grabbed my arms, gentily but it still hurt because its right where my cuts are.
"ow." i said and pulled my arms back.
"sorry." he said.
"its not you joey." i sobbed and pulled down my sleeves, showing him my cuts.
"kelsey!" he was mad now.
"this is why i didnt tell you." i sighed.
"kelsey you tried to kill yourself!" he took a breath, "im sorry i just really cant believe it... you need help kelsey, i cant protect you from yourself."
"im not going to a fucking therapist joey."
"kelsey." he aggressively put his hands through his hair, "i cant see you like this, sleeping all day, not eating, and cutting yourself. i dont want you to feel like this anymore. you arent a slut your mind is playing tricks on you." he said.
i pulled my knees into my chest and cried, "i dont need a therapist." i said calmly, "the cuts will go away."
"but those thoughts wont, i know what your thinking, sophia went through it too. her mind was telling her to 'just fucking end it' and calling her names but you cant listen to it. i want to help you."
"joey." i sighed.
"yeah?"
"i think we need to break up." i said.
"what?!" his eyes widened.
"being in a relationship is causing me so much stress right now. not because of you, because of me. i feel like im making you feel obligated to protect me and help me while your perfect. its not your fault but i have so much on my mind all the time, charles, my virginity, that guy at dunkin, my appearance, just everything. im sorry."
he sighed and put his hands through his hair again, he does that when hes stressed, "okay but please dont cut yourself anymore."
"i wont, go home, i just want to sleep."
"im not leaving you alone."
"trust me. i swear i wont cut myself."
"fine, text me if you feel like you need to or if you need me at all." he sighed.
