Becoming Hers

24

*LEXI'S POV*
"How's basketball?" She'd tried to talk to me all afternoon but I'd ignored her. After a while she gave up but it was just after nine when she attempted again.

She didn't know that I'd actually gotten on the team, she just knew that Jackson had bought me a ball and put up a net in the back yard. I hadn't used it though because I'd rarely been at home.

"Oh stop pretending you care." I took a bite of the meat pizza and stared right at the television.

"You're my daughter of course I care." I wish I could've believed that. She didn't care about me, she never really had. Once again I ignored her.

"You never have mum," I paused the tv and faced her, "You left me to fend for myself and I was only a kid yet I was the one acting like an adult," I paused again, "I had to, otherwise who knows what would of happened,"

"That's not what happened," She tried to explain but stopped, "I was a bad mother but I want to make it up to you," I didn't believe her, not at all but it felt like I should at least try.

"You're a shit mother and you will never not be a shit mother,"

She waited a moment before she said, "You satisfied?"

"No," I grunted and I think she smiled, it was a small one but definitely a smile.

What she said next shocked me, she told me that she wanted to get an abortion but my father persuaded her not to, she regretted listening to him apparently.

"I couldn't do things anymore because of you, I didn't have the freedom,"

"You have to understand Lexi, I had to give up things because I had even bigger priorities," I didn't care what she had to say so I destroyed another slice of pizza.

"Are you even listening to me?" I nodded but turned to stare back at the blank tv.

"What I'm saying is that there are things in your life more important than other things like all of this basketball nonsense," She scrunched her nose up.

"What about it?" So she wanted to try again at being a mum, being my mum but then just went and said something like that.

"It's just like the gay thing, I'm so glad that's over," She sighed.

"Excuse me?" I uttered.

"They're just phases, soon it'll all be a joke." She stood up and walked around the sofa and headed for the kitchen.

"It's not a fucking joke, it's my lifestyle and it's who I am, so fucking fuck the fuck off out of my fucking life or so called fucking joke." I sure did curse a lot in that one sentence.

"That's not a way to talk to your fucking mother." Fucking mother? At least she could do one of those things properly.

"Well I wish you weren't my mum." I fired with so much anger. But I guess I wasn't really angry or sad I was just empty and shouting at her did fuck all for me. I thought it would make me feel something but I just felt so fucking empty and hollow.

"Oh the feeling is mutual don't worry." So that was it, she didn't care, she never did.

"What happened to wanting to make it up to me?" I knew I had to leave but I wanted, no, needed, her to know that I no longer wanted anything to do with her.

"Like you said, I can never not be a shit mother," Was what she came out with.

"I'm on the basketball team," I stated. I wanted her to know that she couldn't hold me back from doing something that I loved.