Jungkook: The Friendly Ghost

30. Dark

I didn't think I'd call him.

Actually, I didn't think it would get bad enough for me to call him.

The thing is, I am not alone. I could have called Jimin. Knowing him, he'd run to me. I could have called Yoongi. He might whine for a few seconds but if it's a 911, he wouldn't hesitate to come to me. Hell, I could have even called my mom!

I am really not alone, even if I'm physically alone at the moment. The problem is, the three people I'm used to the most were not here. Namjoon hasn't been here in a while and him I'm used to not having around, but combined with the fallout I had with Jungkook and Hobi being a better boyfriend than a friend, I've never felt more alone in my entire fucking life.

I had to call someone.

I couldn't call Jungkook for obvious reasons and I don't want to be a nuisance to Hoseok. So I called the only other person I had, or thought I had at that very moment.

I called Namjoon, only to cry in silence.

And he let me. I look at the phone now, seeing it's been over five minutes since he answered my call. He hasn't said a word or asked a single question from the moment he realized I was actually unable to form a sentence that wasn't broken with random sobs after every two words.

"I'm sorry," I break the silence, my voice sounding as horrible as I thought it might.

"Fuck JJ, you have nothing to apologize for," he sounds kind. Worried and thoughtful. Kind of like he used to sound like before shit hit the fan. "Are you okay now?"

"I don't think I am," I admit reluctantly, sighing when I manage to bang the back of my head on the kitchen counter, seeing as I am very much still sitting on the kitchen floor. "But I also don't think there's anything anyone can do about that so... yeah. I guess I'm not okay but I kind of have to be."

"It's okay not to be okay, you know?" he asks. All I do is mumble. As much as I want to agree with him, my life experience tells me that to the rest of the world, it's absolutely not okay to not be okay. Everyone has so many expectations, justified or not. And when you don't fulfill them, you're fucked. "Did something happen? Is this about... us or something else or what?"

"I guess it's a little bit of everything?" I shrug, not even sure about the answer myself. Sure, he was the drop that made the glass overflow but a lot of shit filled it up quite nicely before. "It feels... I don't know, it just feels like I'm in a bad place right now. It's so.... Dark. Like I'm in a dark room and I'm trying to find a damn door but all I do is just... I keep on feeling up the walls in search of an exit, you know? It leads me nowhere. I'm going nowhere."

"In life, or...?"

"I mean, I guess. It's not looking too optimistic either."

"Is this about your folks?" he asks me.

"They are just a little pile of shit on top of a mountain of it, so yeah, it is about them too but I'm positive they're not the main problem. It's just... everything, you know? Everything came crashing onto me and I didn't know what to do. I just... I panicked and I called you. I'm sorry about that," I add, knowing fully well that no one should be a subject to their ex's mental breakdown.

"I'm glad you did, JJ," he sighs. "I still love you. You're still very important to me. Things went down the wrong way and it's painfully obvious that you and I are not supposed to be together the way we were before but it's not like you're erased from my life permanently. You never were and you never will be. No matter how it ended, you're still my friend. And I want to be here for you."