Jungkook: The Friendly Ghost

33. Coping Mechanism

I gave him two days of peace, for various reasons.

For one, I did not want to push my luck. Now when I finally had him wholeheartedly agreeing on something he should have agreed to ages ago, I didn't want to push him into backing down from it. I know how easy it is to push Jungkook just a bit too far and I wasn't going to make that mistake again.

And secondly, I did it because of the way he's been acting.

Jungkook became insufferably apologetic. I could tell just how much he regretted the things he said that day and despite reassuring him that I do not hold it against him, he did not drop it.

Both nights, as I was about to fall asleep, he'd mumble into my hair that he is sorry for that day.

Both days, he followed me. Not like a puppy, but more like we were attached by the hip. He was much clinger than usual and with Hobi away and me not having any obligations whatsoever the two days were spent with us sitting on the couch, legs crossed and holding hands.

We talked about anything and everything, things we've never talked about before, things we already knew by heart. We just talked, talked and talked. About childhood pets, first hangovers, family problems, most embarrassing moments of our lives, favorite movies, stupid movies, everything and anything.

We were in our own bubble of ignorance for two days, two whole days, before I finally reached out my finger and popped it, letting us breathe in some fresh air and face the actual issue.

I waited for him to react, letting him fiddle my hands with his own as he thinks about what I have just suggested. I was ready for a confirmation and a refusal, knowing it could easily go in either of those ways. And no matter what happens, I will respect his decision.

Unless it's refusal – in that case, I will wait a polite amount of time before I start pressuring him because dammit, he promised me he'd do it for me.

"Why there?" he finally speaks up, his eyes not leaving our hands as he brushes his fingers against mine. "I mean... I've been there and nothing... I don't understand. Why there?"

I grab a hold of his moving fingers and squeeze them gently, causing him to finally look up and face me. "I don't know," I admit reluctantly. I have no better argument than "I have a feeling about it" but honestly, I have a feeling about it. "I know it's confusing but isn't it logical?"

"I would agree but I did it before, JJ."

"The do it once again," I urge him. "For me."

"JJ," he takes a deep breath. "How many times are you going to use that to get what you want?"

"As long as it works?" I shrug and I do feel a bit guilty until I see the creases around his eyes as he fights a smile. "Come on. I'll be with you. You won't have to go through it alone. Not now, not ever."

"Okay," he finally gives in and nods his head. "Let's do it."

....

I've always hated hospitals but that hatred reached a completely different level from the day I first saw Jungkook in a hospital bed. Now, that hatred is even worse.

If it's unpleasant for me, I can only imagine how horrible it must feel like to him. Which is exactly why I make an extra effort of periodically squeezing his hand gently, as if I am trying to prove what I said before – he is not alone, I am not going anywhere.