The Ruka Wild ↠ Book 3 > A:TLA

05

Ruka (3)

It's another sleepless night. I haven't left nor let anyone into this room. When someone knocked, I kept quiet.

Zuko slipped some notes under the door, which I hated. But I read them anyway.

We should talk.

You need to eat.

Are you comfortable?

I need to talk to you Ruka.

I crumpled them up and tossed them to the side. "Who does he think he is?" I said quietly to myself.

I got used to not sleeping at night and I haven't had an appetite in days. With lots of convincing from Hiko, I only eat small portions to take the nausea away.

My head quickly turned toward the door when another folded paper slid under it. I huffed as I walked over, I almost forgot how stupid he was. I picked it up and unfolded it. Once I finished reading the paper, I snapped my head at the bedroom door.

I rolled the paper back up then put in my pants. I put my shirt over it so that no one can see it.

I heaved a sigh as I pulled the door handle down. The large door opened. I slightly jumped back when a tall figure was standing there. Zuko looked me up and down in horror. "I-I didn't really look at you earlier. Ruka, you... I'll have food made at once."

"I'm not hungry." I responded dryly as I pushed passed him.

"Where are you going?" He asked me.

I had no idea actually, but according to this paper sticking out of my pants, I had to find it.

"Ruka, can you stop? Ruka!" Zuko grabbed my arm and turned me around. I looked down at his hand then up at him. I watched his eyes trail down my arms. His grip loosened, he began to trace his fingertips on my scars.

"What happened to you, Ruka?"

I could barely hear him. Almost every word he said got lower and lower. I crossed my arms - he jumped as he got out of his trance.

When Zuko's eyes began to water, my stomach churned. How can I feel any sympathy for him? I've grown to hate every inch of him since I last saw him. But standing here looking at him... I still love him.

I sighed."You don't want to hear what I have to say."

"I do... please." His voice cracked midway. "I do."

I began to choke up, but I tried to hide it. "Okay... but not here."

>>>

Zuko guided me to what looked like the royal garden. The only light that was given to us was from the bright moon in the sky. Hi Yue... I've missed you.

"Please, sit." Zuko said as he found a spot on the grass. A comfortable amount of space was between us. I didn't want to be able to feel his body warmth.

"Whenever you're ready."

I took one more look at Yue before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. This is your chance. Don't hold back.

"I don't understand myself... what you did is unforgivable and I couldn't imagine seeing you again. But here I am, looking at you with my tired eyes - even having a conversation with you." I said. "But I think I know why I'm able to do this... I have nothing left in me. I don't feel anything. You really want to know what I have to say?"

Zuko nodded slowly.

"Alright then," I cleared my throat. "I want you and your family to rot in hell."

Zuko furrowed his brow. "Excuse me?"

I gritted my teeth while pointing my finger at him. "How dare you tell Azula about the one thing that kills me inside. You had no right!"

"Ruka, I only told her so that she can spare you. I didn't know she'd use it against you."

I scoffed, "For a second today, I felt pity for you. I'll admit, it felt good to feel something other than darkness. Do you even know what that feels like? It's one thing to see it, but to actually live in it? Spirits, that'll change you."

Zuko shook his head, "Stop."

"Why? You said you wanted to know what I had to say."

"Not this."

"Oh, you wanted something sweet? I'm sorry, let me try again. You deserve everything that is given to you. Because this is all fake. You didn't regain anything. Iroh's sympathy for you was a waste."

"That's enough, Ruka!"

I quickly stood up, "I have nothing. No one! And it's all your fault. But what do you even care? As long as you get what you want, right?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He snapped.

"I don't? Look where I am! Do you really want to know why I look like this...? I cry every night. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I'm in pain. But you didn't give a damn until now."

"That's not true."

"Where have I been for the past month, Zuko? Did Azula tell you that she took me to a spa and let me relax there for a few weeks? Since she 'spared' me? How nice of her. I'm so glad she didn't take me to the Boiling Rock and bury me in a cell. I'm so grateful she didn't tell the warden to feed me only once a day and to never let me have human contact." I looked up to the sky to sarcastically praise the spirits. "Yes, thank you Azula!"

"I- I didn't know." Zuko said shamefully.

"Of course not. Because you didn't look for me! All that matters to you is that stupid crown and your father's blessing. You're so ignorant to everything. Do you know how sad it is that you're father made you kill a person just to come back here? And you know what's sadder? That I actually believed you when you said you loved me."

"I do!"

"No! If you really love me, you wouldn't have taken everything from me!" I began to bawl. "I'm exhausted, Prince Zuko. I need to get out of here. I need to find Sokka and Katara. I can't be live like this anymore."

Zuko stood up and looked down at me. "Come with me."