CLANDESTINE

treize

13
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being bare and open,
just for you.
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they never really did anything.

that mostly because they were too lazy to do something but it's also because they were tired. they might not had any schedule, except for mark who was an mc for a music show, but it seems like all the work from before just took the toll on their body by now.

it's already late evening. people were dipersing, the park was almost quiet, just a few occasional sounds of footsteps and vehicles left.

mark had his head on donghyuck's lap, laying down while closing his eyes. donghyuck played with mark's hair, softly caressing it. now that there's no more people in the park, they were brave enough to show themselves.

"say, donghyuck." the said boy just hummed as mark opened his eyes, looking up to him. mark's eyes was a wonderland at the moment, full of innocence, pure of any type of pain, sparkling and shining brightly that donghyuck found himself lost inside it.

"if you are to be honest, what do you really feel about us?"

donghyuck had his eyes widening, his movements stopping. donghyuck was not expecting the question to came out from mark. in any ways, mark was the last person to doubt their relationship, always so confident about it. he never question anything, leave alone wanting to talk about it. mark always avoided the topic of it, he was afraid that he would start to find so many flaws in their relationship once he bring up questions about it.

that's why it surprised donghyuck so much, not knowing that it also surprised mark too. he didn't know why he suddenly felt the urge to ask that question.

donghyuck wondered for a while, he didn't know what mark wanted to hear from him.

"truthfully, i don't know."

when donghyuck uttered that sentence, he saw how mark's pupils dilated.

"all i know that we love each other so much that's why we decided to date."

"at first, the thought of dating the same gender never pass my mind. hell, i never even consider it. but here i am, with you. my best friend at that." mark held donghyuck's hand tightly, waiting for him to continue.

"when i first saw you, you were nothing special. i swear, you were just that one senior that i never bother to greet at the hallway. we passed each other a lot but i bet you didn't know me or my name at all. i only know you when i found jaemin and jeno sitting together with you when i just got back from the principal's room for breaking one of the door of the toilet stall, don't ask why, it just happened.

even at that moment, you were still normal. sure, you're a bit good looking than me, you had a nice student face, you were kinda small, of course i was smaller than you, but that's it."

donghyuck laughed when he thought about it now. look at them, they grew up and now both looking so big, shoulders so broad, what people call as real men. donghyuck was only eighteen but he's already that good looking, mark was nineteen and looking very nice, they wonder what both of them might look like when they turned to adult.

"i began to properly know you when i realized we would be training together. you're the first person to approach me, jeno and jaemin still haven't come into the company at that time so it's just me alone. seriously, you were too nice i totally feel guilty to do anything in front of you. but i also noticed that you were kind of dumb and easy to tease so i supposed we got closer with me playing a lot with you.

so, time passed and we were inseparable. it's funny when i thought about that time when we really can't get off each other. remember that time when you debut first at nct u, i was almost crying cause you had to move into another dorm. but it wasn't for long because i also debuted in nct 127 together with you and we ended up together once again, you even begged the manager for us to be in one room." donghyuck sighed before continuing.

"i think it started from there. it never really come towards me but i really didn't like seeing you too close with other people. at first i think it's normal because girls began to talk to you but i knew something's wrong when i felt mad to my own members. something is totally not right, i wouldn't call it jealousy at that time, i didn't know. i didn't want you to talk with others, i didn't want to see you with others, i didn't want you to be with others. i would even call myself selfish but it really wasn't right for me to be like that.

when we debuted in nct dream, it got worser. you were closer with the younger ones, especially renjun. i didn't like it one bit. you remember that one night when we fight, you asked why i didn't look at you and didn't want to talk to you, actually i was so damn hurt and angry at myself."

donghyuck was trembling, mark noticed that at the way his voice shook and his lips quivering as he talked. "i was so scared of myself. i realized that i had something more than just pure friendship with you. i feel more than just friendly ties with you. i love you, my own best friend, a boy. i'm a boy that loves another boy. that thought made me fear myself. it scared me at how your little actions can do so much things to me.

but overtime, i began to accept it. it still hurt me because i know that you would never accept me, like, you're the straightest of all straight boys out there. that's why when you confessed that you also felt the same, it shocked me so much i'm literally in tears."

mark smiled as donghyuck exhaled. it was still fresh in his mind when that happened. donghyuck was crying and when he asked why, donghyuck didn't answer. it took a lot of time to comfort him and somehow, mark's lousy mouth did the honour to revealed his own feeling at that moment and that made donghyuck cried again.

mark leaned forward, sitting properly by now, his hands patting donghyuck's head gently. "at least we're together now, that's what matter." donghyuck looked back at mark and he never felt more thankful of God for presenting someone like mark in his life.

donghyuck captured the other's lips and mark almost squealed out of joy. mark loved it when donghyuck was the one to initiate the kiss, it had always been him to start. mark had his hand on donghyuck's jaw, another one was interlaced with donghyuck's. both of them were at their happiest at the moment, embracing each others body in the empty park.

but then, there's always a sunny day before a storm.

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i'm still considering whether i should make a happy ending or a sad ending. what do you guys think?

- tantan