CLANDESTINE

dix - neuf

19
_____

it's gonna get better,
but it's taking forever.
_____

mark was washing his face when he heard the door opened.

lifting up his head, mark saw donghyuck walking inside the toilet. mark averted his gaze away from donghyuck as mark felt his presence beside him.

after the meeting, mark was feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. he can't help but to quickly ran to the toilet, everything was so suffocating. donghyuck's eyes on him, the ceo's voice, his own heartbeat, it kind of annoyed him. he need time and a personal space to think thus he left, not even sparing a glance to donghyuck or the ceo.

when mark properly wiped the water off his face, he turned around to left but was stopped by donghyuck's voice.

"mark,"

mark had his back facing donghyuck by now which he was glad of. he didn't need to look at donghyuck and he didn't need to know what type of expression does donghyuck had by now. he didn't want donghyuck to look at how miserable he is, mark don't like it when donghyuck know too much. mark himself, doesn't like being open to another person. donghyuck had been the first person, other than his family, that mark had thoroughly let in his life.

"you're still avoiding me."

mark hated it.

he hated donghyuck at the moment, not because he was mad at him, but mark was upset at himself. mark was upset over how selfish and petty he was being, how weak he were and just how much of an asshole he was to donghyuck.

"you didn't even look at me back then."

mark wanted donghyuck to stop talking.

his heart broke ever so painfully as donghyuck talk, his chest hurt so damn much when he listened to donghyuck. he tried his best to carry all the pain just until he walk out the door, but with donghyuck being like this, he don't think he can make it out without tearing up.

"why won't you look at me mark?"

mark wanted to embrace donghyuck.

he wanted nothing than to drown himself in donghyuck's arms, release all these pain he had bottled up, just to not give a damn about anything. he just wanted to be with donghyuck for now.

"will you look at me now?"

mark turned to donghyuck.

he can't do this anymore. his eyes meet donghyuck's and mark almost break down at there. donghyuck's eyes looked so charming as always, somehow filled with hope despite the situation, mesmerizing him with the determination it held.

mark realized at that time, donghyuck was so strong.

when mark was standing at the cliff, donghyuck was there at his back to stop him. donghyuck was ready to pull him back if he ever fall and mark admired that. mark admired how sanguine donghyuck was in wanting to fix their relationship. mark can saw how hopeful donghyuck was, how donghyuck tried to convince him that everything will be alright.

then why does mark avoided donghyuck?

mark almost step back when donghyuck got closer. that little actions didn't pass donghyuck's sight. donghyuck saw how mark flinched when he touched him as he interlaced their hands together.

that made donghyuck smiled bitterly, has it really been that long since they had time for both of them?

donghyuck supposed so, if normal things like eye contact and holding hands were now hard to be done, it must've been like that.

mark wasn't responding at donghyuck's words, his body was shaking, his eyes were brimming in tears. mark looked so fragile. mark looked like he would really break if one wrong touch done on him. donghyuck didn't want that, he didn't want to see mark like that.

if donghyuck can be strong then so is mark.

"kiss me."

donghyuck closed his eyes, tear running down his face slowly. he don't want to see more, if they are going to be like this, then donghyuck wanted to savor this moment. this moment which might be their last to be against one another, the last of them holding one another, donghyuck wanted this moment to be something he can depend on when things went wrong. donghyuck wanted mark to prove his love right there, to remind donghyuck of how much he loves him again.

mark leaned closer, his eyes staring intently of the other boy.

mark might lose himself but his heart is always there. his heart would always wants donghyuck no matter what happened. his heart would always love donghyuck with his everything even if mark found himself ignoring the whole things.

"i love you."

the confession coming out from the older boy broke two hearts in the same time. one broke down together with tears, one broke down together with himself. the kiss that was supposed to stay, the seal of promises, the words unspoken, the desperation left unexpressed, everything.

the last one which carved a very important memory inside both of the boys.