CLANDESTINE

vingt - quatre

// 2k bubs! let's get this bread,,,

24
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i'll be a better man
if you just stay.
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"donghyuck, i'm sorry-"

"shut up jaehyun."

jaehyun was silent as mark snapped at him.

taeyong and jungwoo went to comfort donghyuck, both of them also had slight accusation glinting inside their eyes as they glanced at all the boys.

the two boys then gave a nod to mark before going out from the dorm, possibly sending donghyuck back to his room.

"i'm just gonna say this once hyung."

all of the boys looked at mark, gulping as they waited for him to continue his words. mark sat at the couch, slouching as he sighed.

mark was so tired.

he don't even know what he's so tired of but he can't help the unsettling feeling inside him that bothers him all the time whenever he was just trying to be happy. it was as if his unconscious mind knew better that he was still sad, still hurting over what's happening. he can't just found any energy to force himself to be happy anymore cause he's not. he hated himself for it. he was always positive before, what have gone wrong with himself?

"please don't hurt him."

his voice was strained as he looked at all of the boys, his eyes practically begging the other boys in the room. he saw the uncertainty in their faces and the troubled look it displayed. mark knew, it was hard to take everything in. if he was them, mark would be troubled too. the boys were understanding, that he is aware, but that doesn't mean they can just accept anything. for these past years, the boys had been trying to accept almost everything even if they don't agree on any of it but mark just hope that they would understand the situation now.

mark wanted to be support by his members over something that he wasn't sure of. mark was so scared of this relationship. what he had for donghyuck was real and so does donghyuck himself but everything was considered a risk inside this relationship. mark was always afraid of trying something new with donghyuck because he doesn't know how it would turn out, but donghyuck saw mark as something bigger. mark didn't want to ruin that view that donghyuck had of himself even if it meant that he need to hide his own fear.

donghyuck was expecting more from mark.

"don't say anything that will hurt him. he had enough now."

the boys were ripped apart from the reality at the moment. they wanted so much to understand mark but at the same time, they were also unfamiliar with this whole thing. they never encountered anything close to this and it's not something they can just easily accept. it needs more than just understanding and acceptance,  and that's what the boys can't promise mark with. they didn't know how to handle this.

"you can say anything you want to me. i swear, i won't take it to heart. i don't even care. say whatever you want but please don't include him. i don't want him to be hurt anymore."

mark exhaled shakingly, he can felt the tears once again.

"i love donghyuck."

there, he said it.

openly, right in front of his members.

the members that was very close to his heart, the precious group of people that he undeniably treasures, the boys that went through everything with him for years. they shared the same things for so many years together and that is a bond. a bond that connects all of them in heart, a bond that concealed their friendship long ago.

and now, the bond may break because of him.

"i love him so much i can die for him. everything was just so fucking messy right now and i don't even know what to do. donghyuck was getting so far away from me yet i'm here still thinking of myself. now that the whole world know about this, i don't know what do anymore.

i just want to be happy with him but i don't think we can't ever be. it's always the same thing. we always need to pretend in front of everyone. i hate it. why is it so hard for us to be happy?"

mark was crying uncontrollably at the moment and the boys hearts broke at the sight. mark don't even bother wiping his tears and that made the others realized something.

mark truly loves donghyuck.

they had no right to say it was wrong. mark was so confident of his feeling even if everyone was against it.

johnny then took mark into a hug. he was also trying to keep the tears from falling as he felt the way mark's body was trembling. mark was so scared and johnny wasn't there with him. he had promised to mark when he was young before, still innocent at the age of 13 when he first got into the company, johnny promised that he will take care of mark no matter what happened. but he was one of the reason mark was hurting now and he didn't like it. he was supposed to be there with mark when things were hard but he wasn't.

"it's okay, we understand."

mark was sobbing at johnny's shoulder as he heard that sentence. that was all he need from them and he could never be more thankful to have the boys by his side.

despite mark not looking at them, the boys smiled as mark repeated 'thank you's' again and again. they glanced at one another, all sharing the same thoughts inside.

it might be hard for them, but they would try for mark and donghyuck.

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hsjskak this is so hard to write.

i keep writing and deleting and this is the last part but i'm not sure if this is enough.

i try to put mmyself at the boys shoes, what their reaction or thoughts might be and consider everything once again but i don't think i'm satisfied with this chapter.

- tantan