Love Heals The Broken Heart(Namjoon Fanfic)

Am I Capable of Love?

I spent all night thinking about the boy that's has been in my memory this whole time. It was like watching the same clip from a movie over and over again but no ending or beginning. My body was tired and my brain was in desperate need of sleep but this particular memory of him never escaped me. I had questions I need answers for but how was I supposed to get them? Nothings but questions flew out of my mind and still couldn't' obtain anything.

I was alone in this room and had no one to talk to about this memory of mine. The empty bed that belonged to Lisa was just there and nothing more. Nothing in this room told me anything but mere images of my first flashback of the shapeless and nameless monster. The thought of it made me shiver. The thought of Lisa being held in a solitary confinement, cold, weak and alone made me worry. I don't want to end up like her if I didn't find answers soon!

It was 1am, which meant I only had five hours of sleep until I have to wake up. I laid back on the bed, head facing the ceiling, hands folded on my stomach, forcing my eyes shut. I decided to concentrate on my thoughts of Namjoon, hoping it would help me to get to sleep. My mind wonders back to the first session I had with him. His welcoming smile, his tall stature, his honey kissed skin was now my main focus. I remember the way he looked at me with such care as if I was a delicate flower. I remember the natural intoxicating scent of his body and the feel of his chiseled and broad chest against mine and his strong arms as he held me when I wasn't in my right state of mind. I find myself fantasizing about this man. It is alright to fantasize about him right? It's not like he's a mind reader or even have feelings for me for the matter. It's only in my head and no one else's, right? I snuggled up in my bed, my thick blanket wrapped around my body as my eyes begin to fall heavy. The last image in my head was the way he walked with such charisma and charm which all it took to send me into a realm of deep sleep.

***

The alarm went off as soon as it hit 7am. I turn my body to the loud alarm and lazily hit the off button. I sit up from the bed, stretching my arms and legs, letting the bones pop and crack into place. Although I barely had enough sleep I somehow felt a lot more relaxed then usual. I rolled off the bed and head to the dresser to find some clothes to wear. I pulled yet another plain shirt with a pair of jeans and head to the bathroom. My hand reached for the knob but I couldn't open it. I forgot that I was alone and was now hesitant to step into the bathroom. My overwhelming fear of having another panic attack in the bathroom was still on my mind and without Lisa being here how else would I calm down? My hand began to shake and the grip on the knob was getting tighter by the second. What do I do? Just open the door, Y/N! 

All I could think about was the possible horror of seeing the faceless monster again but my fear had only made me weaker. My throat was beginning to feel tight, I was starting to feel light headed I could faint at any moment. No!  I have to be strong! I can't let this irrational fear take over me. Suddenly a big wave of confidence swept in like lightening  and without another moment I opened the bathroom door and let myself in. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that I had my eyes closed this whole time so I opened them. It was still the same bathroom. I was alone of course but nothing happened. I was starting to feel a bit better and had managed to take a shower without out looking behind my back every five seconds or having Lisa sit behind the bathroom door to look out for me.

After drying up and getting dressed the door to my room knocks just in time. 

"Miss Y/N are you ready?" A familiar voice calls through the door

"Uh yes! I'm ready" I answered back, grabbing my shoes and putting them on as I sit at the edge of the bed.

The door opens and in comes in Jin, who I haven't seen for a while, looking quite different today

"Good morning Y/N. Missed me?" Jin greets me his dashing smile.

I turn my body halfway just enough to see his face before my eyes widen with surprise "Good morning Jin! I haven't seen you in a while." I finished tying my shoes, getting up from the bed to greet him. "You look...different today"

He lets out a chuckle, combing his hair with his hands, letting his soft hair fall to his forehead "Yeah it has. I had to make a quick visit to see my mother last week. I had to get a hair cut too" He blushes

"I see someone is trying to impress a certain girl at the pharmacy" I wink, patting Jin on the shoulder. His face turned to a blushing red, the reddest I've ever seen from him before.

" Me?" pointing to himself, turning around in a half circle before returning his attention back to me  "Pfft! No it's not like that at all!" Trying to brush it all off and motions me to get out of the room "Come on. Breakfast starts in a few so we don't want to be late" 

 I step out of the room and close the door behind me and start walking down the same narrow hall. The walk was calm as usual until I heard Jin clear his throat and I look to my side to see him with his head down, with a half smile on his face.

"Is something wrong, Jin" I ask with my head slightly tilted to the side.

He lifts his head up and turns it toward mine "No I'm fine. It's just I noticed something different about you"

"Really? How so?" 

"Your hair and how you're dressed" His lips curving into a smile.

I pick out strands of my hair, examining it like some scientist, with my lips pouted slightly "My hair looks the same and what? I'm wearing a plain shirt and jeans nothing else?" 

"Ah Y/N you're so oblivious. It's kind of cute. It's how you styled yourself sweetheart" He leans to my side and puts his lips close to my ear "Are you trying to impress someone too?" He says with a smirk.

I was so taken back y his question that I almost bump into wall but Jin was quick enough to pull me away before I made impact. "Jin! No! Why would you ask that!?"

"Why would you ask me that same question from earlier?" 

"Because I noticed something different about you why else!?

"I noticed something different about you too so I asked" He says in between his little high pitched laughter.

Slowing down a little, I turned my attention to Jin, finally calming down from his uncontrollable laughter "Jin..be honest with me...is it really that noticeable?"  

Jin sighs deeply before turning his attention to me "Y/N I know you've developed some sort of feelings for Dr Namjoon. I can tell by the way you look at him. I'm not saying it's wrong or anything. I just think it's cute and refreshing to see this side of you and you've only been here for almost two weeks"

Hearing Jin saying all of this was the most kindness things I've ever received from him. Besides him laughing at me for almost crashing into a wall I grew to see Jin as another good friend. A friend I could depend on.

"You know, this is not the first time I've been told that I had a "Crush" on Dr Namjoon." Using my two fingers to create a quote on quote gesture. "It's not like he has any feelings towards me anyway. I'm just another one of his crazy, out of place, psychotic patient"

"Y/N I don't think of you in that way at all. You're are just as normal as the rest of the patients. You just have a lot of hidden demons and monsters that need to be taken out of your life. You are capable of being loved and being in love. Who knows if he does, I don't think it's wrong" Giving me a gently smile.

A smile curved on my lips. Jin was probably right. Maybe I'm capable of being loved and being in love. But there were some things that still remained in my mind and that was Namjoon's wife. I still pondered at the thought of him being married or better yet once was married. Who was or is this mystery woman? Most importantly why did Lee Jaebum like me and did we ever become more than just friends?