I AM THE EYES

all tied up. {2}

i'd really recommend listening to hurt feelings by mac miller for this chapter oh and self care is good
r.i.p., i miss him so much ♥️

at this point in stephens life, he was at a complete, utter low. this crush he had was tearing him down to restricting himself from everyone. no motivation to make videos fell to no motivation for getting out of bed.
and there he lay, almost his own coffin, he hadn't moved for over a day. he didn't check his phone, drink, eat, he just lay there, in his own sorrows.
but some sort of final hope must've appeared, seeing as his twitter was dead, he hadn't touched his youtube or messaged any of his friends or family. he couldn't bare the effort.
but a knock at the door caused the boy to flinch.
who the fuck was here to see him?
stephen was nervous to open the door, but he found himself getting up and stretching his stiff limbs and exercising his mind and lungs, his voice box with a cough and his eyes, stephen stood up and slowly made his way to the door, unlocking it and opening it.
oh stephen didn't expect this.
neither did will.
he didn't expect to see his best friend in such a state.
horribly dark bags under his eyes, scruffy hair, unkept, weak frame and a permanent frown was what currently made stephen, everything far from marginally happy.

"w-what happened to you ste?"
"just not a good week, im ill-"
"ill?! a week?! don't lie to me stephen, you've been absent for months and you clearly aren't just ill. talk to me, tell me what's going on."
stephen just sighed, and walked over back to his bed, sat down and pulled his legs up to his face to hide half of it.

"why should you care, it took someone months to care enough to come and see me, pretty telling."
will walked over and sat beside stephen, a sad look ghosting his usual beaming smile.
"stephen, i called you at least ten times every single day, and texted you at least once every hour. everyone was so worried where you were, i came to your house multiple times but you didn't hear my knocking or shouting, i assume i was lucky to catch you awake."

"you did- you did all that just because i was gone for a bit? i thought you hated me."
stephen mumbled out, the thoughts he had had overtaken him to believe the worst.
"you- how could i hate you? you're the sweetest person i've ever met, ste. you're my best friend, and no matter what it'll stay like that."
a fresh stab to the heart was what stephen needed.
nothing more than best friends.
"yeah, just best friends."
he said almost silently under his breath, but to stephens horror will actually caught his words.
"what do you mean?"
"i- what? i didn't say-"
"yes you did, you said something. what did you mean?"
"i- look i cant do this will, i- you need to go."
nice one stephen, fucking push you best friend and crush away from you.
but he couldn't help it, stephen had minus figures in his percent of chance to actually have a relationship with will. reasons? oh, well he had a girlfriend, he was straight, and that were best friends. right, yeah.
why the fuck couldn't he have chosen someone else to crush on?
"stephen, no, please answer me, please don't push me away. i missed you so much."
and that stopped stephen in his tracks.
tears, oh they came.
stephen just started crying, and will gently enveloped him into a loving hug.
a big platonic hug.
but stephen let his tears out, he'd been so rough on himself that he just thought of it as weak, so fucking weak.

a small while passed by, and by then stephen was able to compose himself, not completely, but enough to be able to say things that you could actually understand.
"but you- you don't understand will, it's so difficult, everything is so difficult and i can't deal with it anymore, it hurts so much."
"what do you mean?"
"will- please, the dreams are so horrible, they're teasing me, i can't do this anymore. it just shows me what i cant have."
"is this about someone?"
"y-yeah, it is. they- he- he's just, he makes me so happy, and these dreams, they make me realise how much i can't have him, how i don't deserve him and that he's so fucking perfect, will you don't understand he's just, i can't handle it."
"oh stephen, i think-"
"look will, i don't care what you think. he doesn't like me back-"
and what stephen just said next, an accidental flow of words caused him to forget who he was talking to.
"-, fucks sake, he has a girlfriend-"
stephen froze, he just fucked himself over. everything, his friendship with will, it was all over.