I AM THE EYES

DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE.

"look stephen, as nice as you are like, i don't want to be friends with you if you have a crush on me. it's not right, you know?"

"wh- what?"

"like- come on, you must see where i'm comin' from, like, why choose to be gay an' that?"

"will- i didn't choose to be gay- i- it's not a choice- i- i want things t' to go back how t-they used to.."

"ste mate, look, 'm sorry but we can't keep up like this. besides, i always knew it'd end something like this. surely you could tell that i was drifting away a bit like, ive been friends with yous for eight years, surely that's enough? i've wanted to move away from yous for a while now, you get me?"

stephen couldn't BREATHE.

IM GOING TO GRIND YOUR BODY TO SHREDSbut he mustered everything in his body to form one understandable sentence.

"yeah. i get you. bye, will."

and that's where he turned and ran. he heard will say something, but he couldn't look back, not even dare to. so what he had left numerous tops and other items at wills house, god, he didn't want them, he couldn't bare to smell wills scent again. speaking of which, he was literally wearing one of wills tops as he ran, but he could deal with that later; getting a new wardrobe. he ran to the nearest taxi, tears silently freeing themselves as soon as he'd said where he wanted to go.

the ride was quick, stephen didn't even bother checking his phone. he felt a lot of notifications pull through, but he didn't want to read them, especially since he knew they were all probably about will.

ah, WILL.

I'M GOING NOWHERE
NOBODY WOULD KNOW IF I WENT MISSINGstephen smiled a bit at the thought of him, but then flinched back, DISGUSTED at himself to think like that when will was the whole reason he was here in the first place.

he felt horrid because of liking a boy. it was WRONG, will thought it was wrong and so it was, because will was always right, he always was.

he was always right, do you UNDERSTAND THAT?

god, stephen loved will too much to ever think of his as wrong. whatever will said, stephen followed.

it was borderline stockholm syndrome, no matter what will did to him, he'd forever LOVE him.

HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED TRUE LOVE?

----

"f-fuck you w-will.."

stephen stumbled across the living room, barely holding himself up with a quick yet pathetic reach to the wall, pressing him up upright, well, more of a hunch as tears gushed out of his eyes.

"fuck y-you and your p-pretty hair.."

stephen spat, but he didn't really. he was mainly too angry, too sad and too wiped out to actually take any action with his words.

"..your g-gorgeous eyes i a-always get lost in..."

stephen had now fallen into a rage induced shiver, his body was overwhelmed with such emotion and thus caused him to physically shake.

"...a'- an' your stupid grin.."

stephen took his trembling hand off the wall as he pulled on his hair, choking on tears a bit as his voice box coughed out a husky, jumbled shrill of sorts, stephen had no other way to rid his emotions and so verbally was his next best choice.

messily and uneven, the frail boy trudged into his room, failing halfway as he fell to his knees, head in his hands. tears hadn't stopped since he left the taxi, oh, he hated how will could make him FEEL.

lifting his head up, terribly so as in the moment stephen felt his head weighed about a thousand tonnes, and his eyes were first to lock on a picture frame. it was of him and will, stephen kissing the boys cheek.

he flinched in REPULSE, ripping at his hair now as stephen yelped again, shaking more as he now had no ability of SELF-CONTROL.

the shattered boy just snapped, he couldn't take this TORTURE.

stephen trembled as he took out his phone, hissing as he saw another fucking photo of him and will, laughing or something like that. he didn't care to properly look, he had a JOB to do. it took him three tries before unlocking it, the poor boy couldn't see.

all he could see was RED, what he next did was impulse, pure impulse.

stephen Deleted his youtube channel.

stephen dEleted his twitter.

stephen deLeted his instagram.

stephen delEted his snapchat.

stephen deleTed his facebook.

stephen deletEd wills number. he made sure of that.

stephen had deleteD everything, and reset his phone.

he had had enough of exposing himself to the outside world. stephen wanted a normal life with no eyes frantically watching his every move.

every memory, every text, every photo, GONE.

and stephen was keeping it that way.

he clumsily chucked his phone onto his bed, probably missing, but he didn't care at the moment.

SOONER OR LATER

IF YOU MOVE YOU'LL GET STABBEDstephen completely distanced himself from any past friends, bought himself a new wardrobe, and moved to the opposite side of london to will.

he didn't speak to any youtube friends, personal friends, no one. he didn't address where he had gone either, he left everyone in the DARK. because he wanted a fresh start. he needed to be away from everything he knew, it was the right thing to do as youtube and social media just wasn't for him, surely.

he bought a new apartment that was above a closed pizza place, and stephen decided to revamp it into a coffee shop to earn money.

I PROMISE YOU I'VE FORGOTTEN HIM

DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

DO YOU?
ARE YOU LYING TO ME RIGHT NOW?

————
5 years later
————

I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE LYING TO MEstephen was making a steady living. he had any past thoughts of will pushed back into the farthest corners of his mind, YET of course, he still had the one picture of him kissing wills cheek on the back of a shelf.

he was getting better.

until one day, it was around midday, 12:43, when someone walked into the shop.

he was currently putting some packets of coffee and tea bags on the shelf to sell, he had sold out this morning which was quite unusual, but he wasn't complaining. just as he had finished stephen looked up, the gentle sound from the bell that indicating someone had entered made him sigh. not of any FRUSTRATION or anything, it was just natural. and as he turned around, the chill lofi music playing in the background of his shop seemed to turn to HELL.

stephen looked up, and the oxygen he relied so critically on turned into thick, toxic ink in less than a second.

it was will.

and god, he looked just as beautiful as the day they first met.

YOU ALL SOUND THE SAME