I AM THE EYES

SEX WITH MY EX

I CAN FEEL A SUDDEN EMPTINESS

stephen didn't want this.
he felt broken. he'd felt broken for a good while now. he just sat there, breathing, yet not alive.
he needed a break.
another, break.
he'd split up with will six months ago now. half a year, but stephen was far from over him. stephen hadn't even stopped thinking about him.
he thought about him every day.
every single day.
it made him want to throw up.
how will could twist and tie him up by his throat like this, wringing his neck like it was nothing. play with his hair, will. use that delicacy nothing far from an angels touch, then just as he's wrapped round your finger, tear and rip it out as if there was the key to love underneath. stephen wanted to crush his own skull sometimes, how it made him think about will so much. everything he does, everything he says, thinks, somehow his name was able to get there, and judge him.
stephen was sat on his couch, no music, no background noise, and it was naturally dark. it was cold. really fucking cold. maybe it was just him. because stephen was just sat there, completely drowning inside his head. if someone were to walk in, he'd look dead. or frozen. he wasn't moving, just thinking.
of will.
fuck you, will.

he felt really alone.

HEAR THE SADNESS IN YOUR LAUGHTER

stephen shook his head and looked around, a beautiful, bone cracking shiver tracked down and coiled round his spine, constructing his bones like a python. stephen didn't want to move. he hated feeling like this. like someone was constantly ripping his heart out, regrowing it just for it to get torn out, again and again and again. he didn't talk to friends much. some knew, some didn't bother to ask, some didn't care to know. stephen just wanted him back.
even if he was cheated on, he wanted will back.
stephen finally decided to do something with himself. standing up, the easily crushable boy cracked his knuckles and headed to the bathroom. stephen didn't need to lock the door, he was home alone.
alone.
as stephen began to undress himself, that python of a shiver began to tighten its grip. he felt so constricted in his body, as if every cell, every molecule apart of him was working against him, to destroy him. but stephen didn't back down, he pull his hoodie over his head, zipped down his flyer and shuffled out of his troubles, along with his trousers and boxers.

he felt really exposed.

I CAN FEEL IT, I CAN FEEL IT NOW

stephen waddled over to his shower, and messed about with the settings. by that, it was just turning two knobs, one for how strong he wanted the water to come out, and the other, how hot he wanted it to be. nothing complex, stephen didn't like complexity. will would usually work with all the complex things. but will wasn't here now. he was gone, as far away from stephen as he pleased. the poor boy was still reaching out for him through all the darkness, though. he still hung onto that last thread of hope. no, will was far gone and it was up to stephen to do everything he needed; wanted. he let himself turn the temperature towards the warmer side, his palm gripping the metal with the certain jittery aura that stephen just couldn't pinpoint why he felt that way. he was constantly so on edge. he needed will to pull him away from that edge. oh, fuck off, will. stephen moved his now sweaty hand to turn the water on, and the noise was immediate and terrifying. it made stephen jump. after a small recovery, maybe a few seconds or so to spare his breathing, he stepped in, and the water covered his body like will would. yet, as stephen let his hands run through his hair like a car through a busy motorway, infact, one specific one was. a guest was on their way. his way. it was will. he was sat in the back of a classic london uber, tapping his foot on the ground of the car, phone in hand as he made his way toward stephens apartment. they turned off the busy main road and off towards the apartment complex he used to visit so frequently it wouldn't surprise him if the woman at the desk would smile at him like she usually did. the car stopped, they were there. here he was, at the front of stephens flat, three floors above. he paid, thanking the driver. as will got up, stephen sat down. he let his back join contact with the frozen, ceramic wall and slide down to the floor, hands in his hair, pulling at it as he sobbed tears of the shower, and the shower send down droplets pricking out of stephens eyes. he screwed them shut.