HI5 Love (HI5 X Fem. Reader)

I Guess This Isn't Good Bye

Connor comes back from getting my bike and I hobble outside with the help of Matt. The guys already flew back to New York and so it's just us again. I walk over to my bike and swing my bad leg over putting all my weight on my good one. I sit on the bike and look at the handles and the seat and everything just looks perfect and I'm over joyed, but there is still that empty feeling. We put it the garage and go back inside. 

"I'm gonna be in my room." I say and work my way up the stairs, I make it and close the bedroom door behind me and I walk over to the chair I have next to the window and just sit there staring out. "Knock Knock" I hear "Come in." I say and the door opens but I don't turn around. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up, it's Nana. "Come baby, sit on the bed." She said and sat on the bed, I picked myself up and sat on the bed. "What's going on?" she asks quiet and sweetly, I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and my throat getting tight. "I just feel like such a burden to everyone, I'm so unlucky. Gunner's in the hospital because of me, my fucking leg because of me, 4 guys got killed because of me." I say and start crying, she scoots closer to me and wraps her arms around me and rubs circles into my back. After a while of crying I start calming down and pull away from her. "Okay, so what is wrong?" she questions while holding my hand and softly running it. I take a really deep inhale and look down at my lap. "I cause everyone so much pain and I just wanna go away so everyone can be safe and Nan, I caused 4 guys to lose their lives and Gunner is in a coma because of me. I just cause so many problems." I explain while trying to stay composed. She looks at me with this look of empathy, "God is just testing your strength my love. Not only your strength, but your friends too. Are they worthy of your attention and love? Do they really care about you? That's what he is testing." she explains.

I look up at her and she stands up and kisses my forehead and I hug her. "But why do I feel the need to take my own life?" I ask she sighs "Because you're feeling that need to leave, that's the feeling of wanting to not hurt anyone," Nan got cut off by a familiar voice "But leaving would hurt people more and we would be devastated to not see that smile or not hear that addictive laughter, the laughter I fell in love with. I would not be the same person if you were to leave us." I turn around and see Matt walking towards us, Nan lets go and I stand up and walk over to him. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry for ever wanting to leave you, or any of you for that matter." I say frantically into his chest as he holds me tight. He rubs circles into my back and gently plays with my hair and I cry into his shoulder.

After a while of crying I pulled away and Matt grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes, I looked back, their so sincere and full of sadness but a slim bit of happiness. "I love you so much Tristyn, I just want you to remember how much you mean to me and losing you would destroy my life more than anyone could ever imagine." He explains, tears appearing in his eyes, I analyze his face trying to find an answer, he has very faint freckles, but he has red from stress and trying not to cry just barely appearing across his nose, and his eyes are bloodshot. I'm shocked that he is feeling this way about me, I do feel the same, but I always thought it was a one sided feeling. "I-I love you too baby" I stutter and look down at my lap, he puts his finger under my chin and lifts my head to look at him, he slowly leans in and I so do I, we do a quick peck and then another lasting a split second later and now the kisses are lasting longer. By this time Nan has already left and closed the door. He slowly pushed me down and he was on top of me, not breaking our kiss. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away because I knew what he might have been going to. He sat up quickly and rubbed the back of his neck and looked away sheepishly. I slowly sat up and I got up and walked over to the window, "I'm sorry, I can't" I say and look down at my hands. I feel hands wrap around my waist and feel his head on my shoulder, "It's okay my love, I completely understand." He says quietly, I'm feeling pretty neutral, but something about his raspy voice when he talks quietly gets me going, It sent a chill down my spine. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" Matt said squeezing a little harder around my waist. I chuckle and give a small side smile, "No I don't think you have." I say jokingly, he looks over at me and smirks, I look at him through my peripherals and smirk.