Ready or Not

21.

Valencia

"No, he hasn't come home yet. You think I'll have to move out with him if he gets a new crib?" My little brother asked me in a concerned tone. Usually, me and him are at each other's necks, cracking jokes but this past week we've talked more than we have our entire lives spent together. 

A chortle escaped through my nose as I dropped my hand against the pages of my textbook. "Not if you don't want to Ray. They lied to us to protect us so I doubt the last thing they'd do is make you choose between them."

We talked for another half hour before I explained I needed to get some studying done for my finals. The sooner I take them, the sooner I can go home and deal with all of this in person. 

The time was going on nearly midnight and I had been in this cubicle in the library since 7. Some of that time spent talking lowly to Ray and the other half, scrolling social media aimlessly. I couldn't concentrate on receiving and retaining information for finals, no matter how hard I tried. Stuffing everything into my backpack, I signed out of my cubicle and exited the library with my earbuds in. 

Life has been sucking and solitary since the call from back home about my deteriorating family. I hardly see Sasha. I'm avoiding Chris. It's nothing personal against them, I just need my space when I'm going through things. The last thing I need is someone patting my back, constantly asking what's wrong or giving empty promises of things being okay. 

I was into the second verse of a Bryson Tiller song when I nearly jumped out of my skin feeling a hand on my shoulder. I turned and seen Demetrius, causing me immediate regret of timing and the way the universe works. He was talking because I saw his lips moving but I couldn't hear anything which gave me a twinge of irritation. "What?" I asked as he reached forward and tugged out my earbud. "I'm an idiot." I confessed lowly while pulling out the second bud, bringing soft chuckles to us both. 

"I seen you leaving the "berry". I been trying to catch up with your fast walking self this whole time." He said causing my second genuine laugh. He always said my accent says "lie-berry" instead of the correct pronunciation of library, so it became a running joke between us to call it "the berry". 

"Oh, um, yeah. It's late, I didn't wanna get caught slipping and have someone try to snatch me up and..." I paused, instantly regretting my dark joke. "My bad. I'm sorry." I said, nervously adjusting the strap of my backpack against my shoulder.  "Actually no, I'm the one that's sorry. Like very, very, very sorry. I've been too ashamed to face you, especially after homeboy told me he had goons and bloods and shit coming for me. I can't lie, a nigga was a lil shaken up." He admitted, shifting his hat around his head, flashing his pearly whites. "I fucked up and I know I don't even deserve to be close to you ever again, physically or y'know... but you deserved that apology from me. You deserve more, but y'get what I'm tryna say." He said nervously while looking down at his feet. 

Once his orbs traveled up to meet mine, I quickly looked away. "Um, it's cool. Well, what happened wasn't cool. But I know you're not that kinda guy. I found my peace with it and let it go. I forgave you already, for my own sanity." I said. He nodded and we stood there in silence until I finally cleared my throat. "Well, it's late as hell. I got an 8 am tomorrow. See you around?" I said, already taking steps away from him. 

He insisted to walk me to my dorm, for safety reasons, but he was able to catch me up on him and I was able to do the same. It felt nice to talk to him. Other than that night, Demetrius always gave me a comfortable, good vibe that I didn't notice I missed as much until now. I even surprised myself by hugging him before parting ways.