Ready or Not

34.

Valencia

I sat at the table with my brother as we waited for my father to return home. My mom said she couldn't be here for this so she was at my aunt's house.

"You think she looks like us?" My brother asked as I shrugged and began to wonder.

My thoughts were interrupted by my dad walking in, talking in a soft tone, more than likely to my... sister.

"Kids??" He yelled and my brother flatly yelled back, "Kitchen!"

Soon, he walked in with the cutest little girl I've ever seen. She struggled but climbed up into the chair with her doll from a show I'd never seen before.

My dad took a seat beside her and smiled. "Valencia. Raymond. This is Ariella. Ari this is your big brother and sister." He said in a warm tone. She handed her doll across the table to Ray. He was reluctant but took the doll from her.

"How old are you?" I asked. She held up five fingers and responded, "Four." I reached across the table and gently folded one of her fingers in.

"I'm Valencia."

"Vencia."

I nodded with a smile. Ariella climbed over from her seat and into my father's arms. He cradled her instantly. He began to rock her as she reached out for her doll back from Ray.

"She was falling asleep in the car. I guess the little monster is sleepy again, yes? Hm?" He said, starting with us but affectionately turning his attention to her by the end of his statement.

I felt uneasy.

"La loo papa." She said.

"Love you too baby girl." He said to her, kissing her forehead.

I sighed deeply and pushed my seat back from the table. This was enough family time for me.

My chest was tightening as my feet scurried up the stairs to my room. I felt myself gasping for air as the hot tears threatened to fall.

"Vee!" I heard my brother yell after me. I ignored him and crashed into my bed, face first where I cried myself to sleep.

Jumping from my sleep, I looked around at a dark room and felt my arm being slowly rubbed. "Babe. You good?" I looked over and seen the moonlight outline of Chris.

I nodded yes but then began to sniffle and quietly sob. It had been days since I quickly packed everything and returned to California. I called Chris the morning after and told him about the meeting and said I would be packing up my car and driving to Cali versus the original plan of my dad having it shipped.

He told me to wait for him as he flew out on a red-eye and drove back with me. I said bye to everyone but my father. To hear him call someone else his baby girl and to affectionately console her in my face felt like a gut punch.

I felt replaced. I felt selfish. I felt hurt. I even felt stupid for feeling any kind of way about the situation. Maybe I would feel different if it were a son instead of a daughter.

I miss my father. I miss our bond and I don't know how to fix it.

Sasha