I See You [REWRITING]

chapter 9: barely tried

It's spitting outside when my last class lets out, and I immediately make a beeline for Riker's old Ford bronco when I spot him getting into the driver seat. Most days we drive to school together, except for the days where we have things going on after school or Fridays in case one of us makes plans. Days like today though, where we are only going from one point to the other — we don't see the point in wasting the gas.

"Lena coming over?" I ask as soon as I reach him, moving towards the passenger door wondering if I'll need to climb into the backseat.

"Nope, she's got stuff with the student body so passenger seats all yours," he tells me as he opens his door and climbs in. "How was your day?"

"Long," I admit and toss my bags into the backseat with my camera bag, turning my head to look at my older brother. "What about you?"

"Good now that's school over," he chuckles and reaches for the volume knob, turning on the radio as he backs out of his stall and turns towards the parking lot exit. Isaac having driven to school on his own this morning since he has basketball practice after class.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask suddenly.

"You know you can, Vee," he nods and I smile softly at the comfort in his voice.

There are days I wonder why we don't fight more. I don't fight with any of my brothers, not often at least and people like Robyn, who's constantly arguing with her siblings find it odd. I'll admit, I find it odd at times too like it should be a rite of passage but instead, I have three best friends. Three people I can confide in at all times. Three people I know will always encourage me and have my back.

"How did you know that you wanted to ask Lena out?" I question before I chicken out.

I don't know why I'm asking him this question, or why it should matter. I've made my decision about Felix. I'm not going to go out with him for a multitude of reasons, but I still find myself curious. Wondering if I'm making a mistake.

"That's random," he laughs but doesn't hesitate to answer. "We were friends at first. She transferred in when we were sophomores and I don't know, I guess we really hit it off. We barely knew each other and I found myself comfortable talking to her about things that I only talk to you, Grey and Isaac about. That is the biggest thing and I just like being around her."

I nod along with everything he's saying, understanding it all despite not really having a relationship to back it up. There was one guy in freshman year that I went out with for a few weeks, but that eventually fizzled out and I was left living vicariously through the people around me. I see the way Riker looks at Lena, like she's the only person in the world and I wonder what it'll feel like when I have that. If I ever get lucky enough to have that. My heart aches when Miles does something sweet for Isla out of the blue, just because he's thinking about her and it excites me knowing there are guys out there that still do sweet gestures for no reason.

"Why are you asking?" Riker asks.

I shake my head. "No reason. Just something we were talking about at lunch."

He chuckles, not questioning me further. "Alright."

When we get home, Riker pulls up to the front door to let me out now that it's pouring before going to park at the other side of the driveway. Hurrying up to the door, I pull my keys out to unlock the front door. Stepping into the front foyer, I find a pair of heels sprawled out on the front mat and immediately know mom's home.

"Mom?" I shout as I walk gingerly into the kitchen, setting my camera bag down on the kitchen table and my backpack on one of the chairs. Getting no response from my shouts, I walk towards the back of the house and find my way towards her office. "Mom?" I asks again when I reach the door, it slightly ajar as I rest my fist against the wood.