Intrigued

Chapter Nine

*One day your life is going to flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.*

-Gerard Way

Brian's P.O.V.

You never really know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. One day, you realize all you have left are memories; there are no new moments to be had. I think that was why I was so insanely in love with Roxanne. Because even though I didn't know it at the time, the moments I had and the memories I made with her, were the last time I would ever feel anything new. How long before I'm just a memory to her? Is that all I am already?

It was late at night - I was tired, but there was no way I'd be sleeping tonight after that phone call. I set my phone down on the end table and slouched down on my couch. The living room was dim, with only one small table lamp giving off any light. I had a half-full bottle of Jameson gripped by the neck in one hand and a bottle of Oxy in the other. I rolled the pill bottle in my fingers, absently glancing at the label, not really taking the words in. I propped the Jamo against the arm of the couch and flicked the top off the Oxy. Like it did so often, my mind drifted to my failed engagement, and every horrible memory from the worst time in my life flooded back to me. More prevalent now though, was anger instead of sadness.

I hated her for what she did to me. I hated that our entire relationship was just a game to her. That she treated my feelings so carelessly. That I'll never truly get over what she did. I hated her for still having this power over me, even though she had been gone from my life for over ten years now. For constantly infesting my thoughts. For making me so fucking bitter. Sometimes I honestly wished she were dead. Other times I missed her so badly, I couldn't catch my breath. Most importantly though, I hated her for making me terrified of love - terrified to try. More than anything, I hated that she had inadvertently hurt Roxanne. The best girl I've ever met in my life is gone because after all this time, I still can't love right - and she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of this.

I raised the container to my lips and dumped the contents inside my mouth. I picked the whiskey back up and took a large swig, washing it all down. I sighed heavily and set the bottle on the end table, closed my eyes, and sunk even further into the couch.

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I woke up what seemed much later, and very dazed. "Fuck me. I can't even kill myself right," I muttered. 

I ran a hand over my now short, dark brown hair. Roxanne always used to tell me that even though it was streaked with gray, it only served to make me look more handsome. I tried to get my bearings, and pushed myself forward, into a more upright position, fumbling for my cell phone on the end table. I finally looked up and realized my hallway light was on. My eyebrows furrowed; I was certain I hadn't left that light on. I shrugged, chalking it up to drug and alcohol addled confusion.

"Damn I gotta piss," I grumbled, bracing myself for what was sure to be the longest walk of my life to the bathroom. Finally mustering the mental willpower, I slowly pushed myself off the couch. I took a tentative step and found I was quite wobbly on my feet. "Shit," I murmured. I was really fucked up from all the pills, and I knew without a doubt I had never been this high before.

I stumbled a bit, but eventually managed to push myself through the illuminated hallway - and fuck was that light blinding - into the kitchen. I looked at my kitchen table in utter confusion. Seated there, was some random dude I'd never seen before. 

"Hello?" I asked incredulously, "who the fuck are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?" I blinked furiously, rubbing my eyes. Nope, he was still there.