Intrigued

Chapter Sixteen

*When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did.*

-John Green, Looking for Alaska

Roxanne's P.O.V.

The next morning, Brian left early for work; he was filming all day, with a packed schedule, and I was on break from school, and had a rare day off work. I woke up feeling even worse than normal lately, and since I had a free day, I finally made an appointment for myself with my doctor. Figures, this is how I have to spend my one day off. I wasn't one to go to the doctors over anything non life-threatening, but I was getting really sick of feeling this way every day. I had woken up with an extremely sore throat, I was exhausted even though I slept all night, I was weak, nauseous, dizzy, and just generally feeling like shit.

While I was there, they asked me all the normal medical questions, including the date of my last period. I quickly realized that with everything going on, I couldn't even remember. I told them so, and they insisted I take a pregnancy test, even though I tried convincing them I was sure it was just stress that had caused me to be late. With school, work, breaking and making up with Brian, him dying in between - well fuck, all that would stress anyone out.

However, the doctor came back and told me I was pregnant. So nonchalant. Like he hadn't just dropped a fucking napalm bomb on my life. I sat there in a stupor, and couldn't even bring myself to respond. I eventually snapped out of it and floated through the rest of the visit in a haze. I left with antibiotics for my throat, and a bunch of literature on pregnancy, full of information and an outline of all my options.

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Pregnant. This explained so much. Not only how weak and crappy I felt, but how nauseous I'd been, my weird food cravings, and the mood swings. I'd start crying one second and then at the drop of a dime, start laughing. But what about Brian? What on earth was he going to say? Not to mention I hadn't even been able to get a hold of him all day. When I pulled in the driveway, I sat there in the car, completely overwhelmed with everything, and I struggled to fight back tears. I tried predicting some of Brian's possible reactions. Happy, mad, disappointed. I didn't even know which one I was. None actually, I was only terrified. I had no idea how to tell the man who made it explicitly clear he never wanted kids, that I was pregnant with his baby.

I finally made my way inside, and texted him. I didn't tell him anything yet, just asked him to come home. After a few minutes, he replied that he was on his way. A half hour later, I heard him unlocking the front door, and calling for me. I didn't even answer - I couldn't. I was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the t.v. when he found me in the living room.

"Rox? Didn't ya hear me calling?" He asked, stepping into the room. "We weren't supposed to be done filming until way later, and I know you're not one to call me at work unless something's really wrong... so what's going on?" He questioned, sitting down next to me. "Babe? You okay?" He asked, sounding puzzled.

"Yeah, just watching t.v." I mumbled. My stomach felt like lead. I had no idea what to say to him.

"Um. Really? 'Cause it isn't on..." He replied.

I snapped out of it, my eyes finally focusing on the t.v. in front of me. Shit. He was right. No use putting off the inevitable. Might as well rip the band-aid off now, and get it over with.

"I went to the doctors today," I finally managed to say. 

"Why? Are you alright?" He asked, his eyebrow scrunching up in worry.