Intrigued

Chapter Twelve

*I love everything about her, and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. I'm a guy who thought love was just something idiots felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to. And there have been times when I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling, and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I'm hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her.*

-Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Roxanne's P.O.V.

Early the next day, after an obligatory psych examination, Brian was finally released from the hospital. Even though we had insisted they didn't need to wait around for us, Sal and Emily stayed the entire time, and drove Brian and I back to his house when he got out. They had just dropped us off, and I thanked Emily for everything the past couple of months, promising I would text her later.

I was absolutely emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I was beyond glad to be out of the hospital, and to be able to lay down in a real bed and just relax without all the stress for the first time in three months - and I'm sure poor Brian felt the same way. I felt terrible for him; it broke my heart seeing him in the hospital, and I was just relieved to get him home.

He was really shaky, and weak on his feet, so I helped him upstairs to his bedroom, helped him change into sweats, and tucked him into bed. He was still really exhausted, and definitely needed more rest. I stripped down to just a tank top and underwear and climbed in bed next to him, so ready to pass out with him.

I turned to face him and ran my fingers through his hair. "How do you feel? Are you okay, baby?" I asked, pulling the covers over him.

He nodded. "It's been a really long week. I guess I'm alright though."

"What do you mean you guess? Talk to me. What's on your mind?"

He sighed softly. "A lot."

I slipped my hands up his shirt, rubbing my hands in circles over his lower back. "Don't be afraid to talk to me," I whispered, my lips next to his ear. "I love you." I kissed his ear, and continued down his face to his jaw. "You can tell me anything, Brian."

His eyes watered, and he pulled the collar of his shirt up under his eyes, wiping them quickly. "I'm just... feeling a lot of shit right now. I don't even know where to start."

"Try," I encouraged gently, working my fingertips into his tense muscles.

"I think mostly I'm just scared still. I don't wanna lose you again."

"You're scared? What about how I felt when Emily got that call from Sal? Brian... you tried to kill yourself. That isn't just nothing. This is a huge deal, and as much as you don't want to, we need to talk about it." I replied. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up again right away, but I need you to understand what that did to me." I continued. "If anything ever happened to you... I wouldn't be able to handle that. Really, Brian, it would have killed me too."

"I'm sorry that I scared you. I really am." He replied. "I didn't wanna die, I just... couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle being without you. The depression was just crippling. And it didn't come in waves; it was constant. All day, every day. And do you know that this is the very first time that I've been back in this bed? I couldn't even stomach the thought of being in this bed without you." He confessed, sighing heavily. "I've slept on the couch every single night since you left. I've barely even set foot in this room. This whole fucking house... it's filled with memories of you. I couldn't even stand to be here by myself. Every time I had to be home, I needed Sal here just to distract me for a few hours, until I could leave again. I couldn't stand it, Roxanne. I was going crazy. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin because I was just so anxious and restless. I couldn't even think straight."