ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Flashback: Life In Motion

Jeno's POV-Age: 14

Unmotivated. That's how I've been feeling this whole year.

I'm in 8th grade now, and I'm off to high school next school year, but I feel like I just haven't found anything that excites me or something that I'm naturally talented at. Haechan and Chenle have singing, Renjun has art, Jaemin has a natural talent for public speaking and debate because of his tenaciousness, Mark is just smart and talented at everything he touches, and Jisung... Well, I don't know what he's passionate about, but he's such a bright and young boy; he's got so much time. But that isn't the point.

It's not like I'm unhappy; I'm content with life and I have everything I need to make me happy. But I don't feel like I have a goal or dream and life, and I'm so yearning to find one. There's no way for me to accomplish anything or be successful if I don't have drive or motivation for something specific.

And maybe I still have plenty of time to figure out what I want to do, but it almost feels as though I don't have enough time for me. Everyone in my life has found a purpose, and I'm just not there yet. It's as if I'm lagging behind in this competitive race to reach purpose and accomplishment. And it sucks, let me tell you.

I don't feel as if I'm worthless, rather, I'm just having a fucking hard time finding something that I'm good, not mediocre at. Jaemin and Mark always tell me how great I am at sports; I'm strong, athletic, and that makes me a natural athlete, yet there isn't one sport I'm fantastic at. My strength and muscles' potential are almost being wasted on my inability to get better at sports. But what are the alternatives?

Walking into school, I walk slumped with my backpack slung carelessly over my shoulder, my textbooks and notebooks shoved in so poorly that they are threatening to all fall out and create a mess in the middle of the crowded hallways of our school. It's the morning rush at school, but everyone looks sleep-deprived and lifeless, dark bags hanging under their eyes.

And for a second it makes me think, "Maybe everyone is unmotivated, too..." I mean, they all look pretty dead inside, and if they had a passion or a purpose, they would have something to look lively and excited about. Or maybe these are just delusions I'm creating in my mind to cope with my own problems. Either way, it doesn't change how I'm feeling.

Eyes beginning to flutter shut because of my exhaustion, I fight to stay awake knowing that I'll be back home in about 9 more hours, even if I'll have another 4 more hours of homework to do once I'm home. Just as my eyes are about to close against my will, I bump into someone unexpectedly, startling me and bumping me back about a foot. Reorienting myself as I recover from the shock of bumping into someone while in the process of falling asleep simultaneously, I look up to meet the concerned eyes of a girl in my grade who was in the middle of tacking a flyer of-sorts onto the bulletin wall.

"Sorry," I apologize while blushing, hoping I didn't hurt the girl. I've definitely seen her around before, but I don't think I actually know her name or have ever talked to her, for that matter, "You okay? I wasn't paying attention and I just-"

"It's okay. I'm fine, so don't worry about it," she cuts off my babbling, giving me a sincere smile, her eyes curving into crescents. Wow, she's pretty...

"Is there anything I can do to make up for it?" I ask hopefully, partially hoping to make up for being such an idiot in front of her, and partially attempting to flirting with her. What can I say? The girl is really pretty; her jet black hair is tied in a loose, low ponytail with sparse, cute bangs. She has a cute face with friendly, inviting eyes, pale pink lips, and a very beautiful smile.

"Well," she starts hesitantly, a contemplative smile painted onto her face, "Normally, I wouldn't ask anybody to repay me for such a forgivable, harmless accident, but you did happen to bump into me while I was posting a flyer for a dance club that I'm starting... Right now, we don't have too many people joining, so how about you consider joining my dance club?"