ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Two Years In: Jaemin

Edited: 10/13/19--Information relating to Jeno has changed slightly, so please reread this chapter

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Na Jaemin

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Rainbows.

My life is just filled with rainbows, such vibrancy, diversity, and beauty pouring out from everywhere I go. God, I've never felt so free before, and it's an interesting feeling, to say the least. Even before Mark left, the boys used to continuously remind me how unabashedly genuine, proud, and confident in myself I was, and yeah, I still am at twenty years old as well.

Except now, I feel even more liberated within myself, completely at peace and one with my soul and mind. Yeah, by my description, it probably seems as though I'm on ecstasy or some other shit, but no, my self-realization has been between me, myself, and I--no outside sources included. I've missed Mark so much, and my visits with the other boys have been quite infrequent compared to what it was two years back, but I suppose that their absence and the void it left in me coupled along with my newfound free time has just given me the opportunity to live a life I've never lived before.

I graduated high school two years ago, alongside Haechan, Jeno, and Renjun, and we all took completely different paths towards our newfound adulthood. During my high school and middle school days, I never quite overexerted myself during school and with my studies, as Mark and Lele did, but I managed to always do pretty well when it came to my grades. Looking back, I suppose my classes were always somewhat easy, and I never challenged myself more than required, and I always tended to focus on my well-being and my hobbies. A balanced mix of the two equals simple success, I suppose.

I also remember, that unlike the other boys, graduating school wasn't a scary or sad thing for me. Of course, my friends meant the most to me, but the thought of losing them after graduation never once crossed my mind. I always had faith in us. Not to mention, I was never worried about the prospect of my future as an adult, never caught up in the anxieties and concerns that typically come along with becoming an independent, self-sufficient adult, like the other boys were. I've been born ready for adulthood, ready to tackle any challenges with the poise, confidence, and ease that's trademark to my character, and I have been doing just that.

Right after graduation, I went straight into college on a half-scholarship at one of the more prestigious liberal arts colleges in the area, and my parents were more than proud of me. Because of my breezy, relaxed attitude towards school for the majority of my teen years, they were always worried that I was going to pursue a career in visual and performing arts, so when I received a scholarship for writing and journalism from a somewhat renowned school, they were over-the-moon. Casually, throughout high school, I had been doing pieces of writing privately, and somehow through my teachers and other means, my work had gotten recognized by a fair number of local schools.

It was an incredible surprise for me, as I had always considered myself a subpar writer and author, but it had been one of the few hobbies I had been actively engaged in since I was in my middle school years. After all, writing and pouring out my emotions as words on paper was the first release for me, and it was part of the way I gained confidence in myself throughout the years.

That being said, not everything was rainbows and roses and all of that happy shit when university first started. The scholarship covered a good portion of the costs for college, but there was plenty left that I hadn't paid, and obviously, I had to get a loan to pay for the rest of my tuition. Since the day university started, I've now had to work a side job as a barista at the university cafe, in addition to school, to cover living costs and to pay back my loan. Obviously, I was annoyed at the beginning, uneasy about managing school and work, not being able to rely on my parent's support now that I was a legal adult, and just about having to work in general, but everything worked itself out pretty quickly. But it worked out in ways that unprecedented to me, and for the first time, I had love in my life that didn't stem from my six best friends.