ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Flashback: That Damn Closet

Jaemin's POV-Age:15

'Goddamnit, Jaemin!' I think to myself, mentally pounding my brain. Now's a perfect time, but fuck, I'm so scared. So, so scared.

I'm bisexual.

There, I said it. To myself, at least. So, I guess that didn't make any progress.

My bisexuality has been a part of me that I've acknowledged and embraced for the last year, after that eventful game of Truth or Dare in which I had to kiss Jeno. And no, I don't have a crush on Jeno or anything like that, but the kiss basically confirmed my suspicions that I was attracted to men as well as women.

To be honest, once I came to terms with the fact that men are sexy, hot hunks of meat, I've been kind of basking in my bisexuality. As in, I'm very comfortable with my attraction to men and women now, and I honestly am not very discreet about it. After all, the boys, especially Haechan and Chenle tease me about staring at boys' abs in the locker room at school. I mean, they aren't wrong.

It's just that I haven't explicitly stated it. The boys probably have their suspicions, rightfully so, and probably realize that I'm about as straight as an overcooked noodle. They would probably be completely supportive if I told them, but I just can't get over the fear that they might treat me differently if I tell them. And that's certainly my worst fear.

What happens if they get scared that I'll be attracted to one of them, and act more cautious and less affectionate with me? Or worse, if they stop talking or interacting with me in general. Maybe none of that will happen if I come out to them, but I won't know until I do, and I'm so scared to take that risk.

There are so many possible outcomes, and naturally, my mind zooms in on the worst, and I can't change my mindset. But, I have to tell them at some point because they deserve to know something so intrinsic to my identity. Plus, we promised each other that we wouldn't keep secrets from each other, and I'd feel too guilty to hold this from them for so long. After all, it's not like it's a bad secret I'm hiding.

Then a ball of crumpled paper, probably a page of notes, hits the back of my head, causing me to break my train of thought and whip around like a lightning bolt.

"You still stuck in the clouds over there, Nana? You know, those geometry proofs aren't going to be proven by themselves," Renjun comments, taking a break from working diligently on his homework.

All six boys managed to squeeze into my small bedroom, the rest of the larger rooms being used by my siblings and family. We have quite a busy, full house. Tons of noise always echo through the house while Mom and Dad enter and exit, when Grandma sets off the alarm while cooking, when my older siblings screech over FaceTime, and as my younger sister whines like an entitled princess. It's a miracle that all of them even wanted to come over to my house, of all places, after school, to study and do our homework. But, obviously, it's nice to have their company. It makes studying more "fun," or at least more tolerable.

"I don't need your sass, Junnie," I deadpan, trying to not show my discomfort in my expression, my stomach bubbling up in anxiety. My eyes blankly look at him, devoid of emotion, and Renjun raises an eyebrow, silently judging the perplexing mix that is my grouchy mood and scarily blank expression.

"You okay there, Nana?" Renjun asks, slightly concerned as his brows furrow, and all of the other boys finally tear away from their focus on homework and stare at me, baffled by my behavior. I never act like this, so it's no wonder that the boys are confused by my attitude at the moment.

Suddenly feeling like I'm under a ton of scrutiny, my eyes flickering between the expectant gazes of my six friends, I gulp nervously, scooching myself into the corner of the room for some sort of comfort, and become extremely defensive, spitting out, "Of course I'm okay! Why would you even ask that? I'm totally fine!"