ARA'S POV
Paulit ulit kong hinampas ang manibela ng sasakyan ko dahil sa pagkakastock ko sa traffic. God damn it! Baka hindi ako umabot!
The last time that she left, I almost lost myself! And I don't want that to happen again! I don't want her to leave me again!
Pumikit ako ng mariin, ang sakit ay patuloy na nanunuot pa rin sa aking sistema. I heard everything... and I can't help but to blame myself for that. Kung bakit wala ako roon sa tabi niya nung mga panahong iyon. Kung bakit hindi ko siya nadamayan... Anong naramdaman niya noon? Was she okay? Nakakatulog ba siya ng mahimbing? Saan siya nakatira? How did she cope up? Damn! I want to know everything! Kung sana ay nandoon ako. Sana ay nandoon ako! So I can comfort her! Para hindi niya man lang naramdamang mag-isa lang siya!
Dumilat ako at sunod sunod na bumusina sa mga sasakyang nasa harap ko. Wala akong pakialam kung magalit ang mga drivers sa akin. I don't care! Ang layo ko pa sa airport! Baka hindi ako umabot! And when that happens, I swear I won't ever forgive myself for letting her leave me, again!
The three years without her was a hell to me. I spent that three years asking myself. Bakit siya umalis? Bakit niya akong nagawang iwan? At ngayong nasagutan na lahat ng mga tanong sa utak ko, wala na akong ibang magagawa kung hindi ang huwag hayaang mangyari ulit ang nangyari noon. I made myself swear for that --- that I will never let that happen again.
I glanced at my wrist watch only to find out that it is already three o'clock in the afternoon. Mumunting mura ang lumabas mula sa bibig ko.
I will never, ever understand the heaven's call. On how it remind me of all the damn things in my life that I can't ever hold. That, even though how much I thrived on it, how hard I worked for it, and even though I put so many efforts into it, I will never ever have that one little thing that I want. And that's her. I will never accept their call that I can have every single thing in this world, except for her.
Hinding hindi ko maiintindihan kung paanong hahayaan nila akong hawakan iyon, kahit saglit, pero kapag masaya na akong hawak ito ay babawiin din naman kaagad. Kung paano nilang ipinapakita sa akin na nariyan lang siya, malapit lang, pero pag sa tuwing susubukan kong hawakan ay saka naman ilalayo. I will never understand how they let me feel how fucked up I am. Kung bakit sa dinami rami pang taong pwede nilang paglaruan ng ganito ay ako pa ang napili nila.
Kung bakit sa tuwing gugustuhin kong hawakan at ipaglaban ang mga bagay na gusto ko, saka naman ipapamukha sa akin na kahit anong gawin ko, hinding hindi ko iyon makukuha pa. They let me touched it once, but it didn't last. It just didn't last.
It didn't last like how I want it to be. Like how I want her to stay.
It just didn't happen. She didn't stay. She left me.
Naalala ko pa noon, when she pushed me to handle that company. At first, ayoko pang pumayag. I know I am capable of starting from a scratch. Hindi ko kailangan ng agad agarang tagumpay. Alam ko sa sarili ko na mas gusto kong paghirapan muna ang lahat. Isa pa, I won't sacrifice her just for the sake of our company. Pupwede namang ang mga pinsan ko ang maghandle noon, I know they can do it. But this woman exactly knew how to use her power against me. Alam niya kung paano ako pipilitin.
"Alam ko naman na mahal mo ang kumpanya, ayaw mo lang talagang sabihin. Alam kong importante sa iyo yun, Vic." Sabi niya, isang araw noong mapagusapan namin ang tungkol dito.
