You, my Punishment (Islamic Story)

Chapter 53

To me, this is the best chapter I ever wrote in my 18 years of living..

~~~~~

There I was. Standing in front of that house, again. That house that made me feel everything. Every feeling I felt when I went into this house. And now, I was standing here, going through the same. I can't do this, it was too much, too much to take. But I needed it. If I needed answers, I had to do this. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A few seconds later a girl around twenty opened the door. She smiled up at me and I began feeling nervous. My hands were sweaty and I was slightly shaking.

"Oh, you must be Yasmin. Come in" she said and I took a step inside. I wanted to ask who she was. She didn't look like them or me and I remember Yassir telling me that he and Yessin were the only children.

I followed her inside and took my shoes off. She mentioned for me to follow her and I did. We went to the same living room where I saw her for the first time and my headache started coming again. Anxiety was flowing through my veins and I wiped my sweaty hands off on my shirt.

"Who is it, Humeyra?" I heard her asking. I froze and couldn't move anymore. I closed my eyes, not able to open them. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run out of there, not looking back, never coming back. I wanted to stay, hug her again, feel it again.

"Y..Yasmin?" she said with a soft voice. I felt tears streaming down my face but I had my eyes still closed. I couldn't look, I didn't want to see the thruth. That's when I felt two arms wrapped around me and that's when I started crying. I hugged her back, wanting the warmth. I didn't want to let go. Never had I ever felt something like this. It just pained my heart, but it felt good at the same time. After a while I could open my eyes. I looked at her teary eyes. She.. I couldn't believe how much I looked like her.. How much I looked like Yessin. She tugged me on my arm and we sat down on the couch. You know that feeling, when you actually want to say something but your throat hurts and it feels like there is someone holding your throat for you not to breathe. That was what I felt then. I couldn't say anything even though I wanted to ask everything.

"Just ask me.." she said and I looked up at her confused. She stood up and I saw Yassir coming in but I paid no attention to him.

"Ask it. Where we had been. Who you are. Why you were gone. Ask it already" She said. I grabbed my courage together and took a deep breath before I stood up with a sigh too. It was time to learn the thruth.

"Where have you been? Where were you when they beat me up like people beat a punching bag? Where were you when I was all bloody and bruised? Where were you when I took my grandma's beatings just because I couldn't take seeing her hurt? Who am I? Am I worthless? Am I ugly? Am I nothing? What's my name? Unattractive? Worhtless? Nothing? Why was I gone? Was I really that difficult to handle? Was I really not worth your embrace? Was I really not worth learning who I really am? All these years! All these years you don't know what happened to me! What I went through! I couldn't go to school, that was one of my dreams. I wanted to be a doctor, because my doctor was always really nice when I visited her just because I was sick again because they gave me no food! I wanted to become someone people would be proud of! But instead of that, they forced me to marry this guy. This guy who is more messed up than I am. And that, all because you guys left me.. sold me. I- I am here for answers. I am not here to make up anything. I am here because it feels damn good to be here. But I know it would not last forever, because the thruth will be always smashed in my face, sooner or later!" I yelled. I made fists, digging my nails into my skin to feel the pain. Maybe it would help, maybe it would help wash all the pain away, maybe it would help to fade all the memories away. She kept quiet. She didn't say anything. Her mouth was slightly open and she looked at me with wide eyes. Then I saw Yassir, standing against the wall with his arms crossed.