Kardemomme Kisses - Evak

• Wasted •

»I still see your shadows in my room,
Wasted, GTA love, b*tches wasted,
Can't take back the love that I gave you.
Wasted, I'm on these drugs, I feel wasted.
It's to the point where I love and I hate you,
Wasted, get her off my mind when I'm wasted,
And I cannot change you, so I must replace you. (Oh)
Wasted, I waste all my time when I'm wasted.«

It was one of those Tuesdays.
One of those Tuesdays, on which you just want to hide, just want to disappear.
Isak didn't want to deal with the world and its stress anymore.
And whenever he was in such a situation, he turned to weed for relief.

Even had been in a pretty good mood lately, so Isak kind of avoided him.
He didn't want to bring him down.
Of course Even noticed, so he asked Isak about it.
"Halla", Even said while walking up to Isak, who sat on the floor, smoking some weed. He listened to songs like "Long Gone" and "Hurt Me" by Juice WRLD.
His eyes had bags under them and he seemed tired.
"Hei", Isak said, his voice was very raspy.
"Have you been avoiding me today?", Even said, trying not to sound too hurt.
Isak coughed, of course this discussion had to happen sometime.

"Listen, it's not because I'm angry at you or anything like that. It's because I sometimes have these days where everything feels dull and dead. I don't know if you knew, but I've actually struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past", Isak said, concentrating really hard on what he was saying, because he had overdone it with the weed again.
He tended to overdose certain substances whenever he felt depressed.
Even sat down next to Isak.
"I didn't know you were suicidal, Isak. I'm so sorry", Even said, pulling Isak into a tight hug.
"I bet you know already, but I've tried to kill myself when I was back at Elvebakken with the balloon squad", Even said, shivering at the memory.
"Ja, I know, baby. And I'm so sorry that you ever felt like life was too dark for wanting to continue on living", Isak said, slowly blowing out some smoke.

"But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here for you", Isak said as the both broke their hug.
"Thanks. If you wouldn't mind I'd like to talk about it for a little while, before I will end up never talking about it", Even said, before he took a deep breath.
Isak shut the music off that had been quietly playing in the background.
"When I was at Elvebakken, everything was a little bit hectic. I was fine with it at first, but when my depressive episodes started to get more and more severe and longer, I just couldn't keep up with that hectic lifestyle.
One night, it was Thursday I think, I was thinking about suicide. I didn't have anyone anyway, at least I couldn't see anyone while my mind was in that dark state. I had thought about committing suicide before, so I had already thought about what I'd do and what not. Jumping in front of a train was already off the list, since I didn't want to drag random people into this. I didn't want to drown myself either, so I ended up slitting my wrists.
I had cut myself before, so I wasn't afraid of doing it again.
I cut deep enough to pass out.
They've fought for my life at the hospital.
I survived, which I wasn't very happy about at first. I had to stay in a clinic for people with mental illnesses for a while, because I had tried to commit suicide after all.
Thank god I made it through and I changed schools, which was good.
I wouldn't have met you anywhere else but at Nissen, probably", Even said, tearing up a bit at the memory.

Isak huffed out some air.
"Oh god Even, I'm so glad I've met you at Nissen. I don't know if I would've made it any longer without you saving me", Isak said, now tearing up as well.
"It was you who saved me", Even sniffled, wiping his tears away.
Isak nodded, sharply exhaling.
The two cuddled up in their bed.

"I love you so damn much, Isak Valtersen. If it wasn't for you, I'd be long gone by now", Even said and Isak knew he wasn't just lightly saying that.
"I can only say the same. You've turned me from a grumpy and depressed boy into a mostly happy and strong man, Even Bech Næsheim", Isak said, rubbing his eyes. They'd start to itch as soon as he stopped smoking.
"Jeg elsker deg", Even said, Isak could feel his voice on his skin.
"Jeg elsker deg, Even", Isak said, his voice tickled Even's chest.
Since Isak was very exhausted, he drifted off to sleep in no time.
Even fell asleep really soon, too.

A dull day doesn't always have to turn into a "hunky-dory, everything's alright, peace everywhere"-day.
Sometimes, you have to let the sadness consume you in order to get rid of it.
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(Wortcount: 868 words)