To Learn To Fall (Sequel to the Other Side)

Letter One

My dear Alexander,

If you're reading this it's because I failed. I failed myself, I failed the others, I failed my home and the entirety of Perriterra, but most importantly, I failed you.

I tried my best to be strong, to bear it and hold all of its weight on my shoulders, but I obviously wasn't able to do it.

I let you down.

I hope this isn't the only letter you get from me. I will try and write as many as I can with the shortening time I have left, but I'll try and put as much as I can in this one.

None of this was your fault, okay? There was nothing you could have possibly done. I was doomed from the start. I don't want you to live with the thought that you somehow caused it, because there was absolutely nothing anybody could do.

I should probably have told you, and I have never been more guilty in my entire life for keeping this secret from you, but I didn't want you to worry.

I didn't want you to know.

At the time of writing this, you kissed me for the first (second technically, but it's more romantic if we say first) time yesterday, and I knew exactly what was going to end up happening to me when I kissed you back.

I shouldn't have let myself fall for you, especially when I knew it would only lead to more pain and heartache than was necessary.

It was selfish of me to follow this endeavor knowing that it would end with my death, but I couldn't stop myself. I was so happy to be with you; I was so happy to be yours. It was such an amazing feeling that I had never experienced before, and as selfish as it is, I never regretted a single moment of it.

With you, I was happy. Even when I knew horrible things would happen to me, I was happy.

And it was such a stupid mistake.

I can't tell you how to feel or what to think, and I'm not going to try.

I hate myself for what is happening and what it will do to you and the others. I hate myself for being involved in your life, for getting too close. I hate myself for letting all of this happen.

All of this is so incredibly unfair to you. You did nothing to deserve this. You deserve nothing less than every star in the sky, but no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to get them for you.

I could explain this to you in a million hundred ways, but I'll keep it as short as possible.

I was a Tenebrie.

And I was afraid to tell you, because I know how you feel about them, but I didn't know how you would feel about me. And I didn't want to find out.

I was terrified.

I never wanted to hurt you Alexander. I just wanted to keep you safe.

Safe from me.

I was a monster, Alexander. It's probably for the better that I'm gone. Gone before I could hurt anyone I cared about.

Well, I'm assuming I didn't hurt anyone.

It's really no different than any other Tenebrie. Monsters that need to be put down to keep ourselves safe.

Please don't mourn me. It'll only make it more real, and a lot more horrible.

I don't know where you will go from here, but I hope you use this as a chance to do amazing, wonderful things. End the revolution, never stop fighting until your voice is heard.

I am going to miss you so much.

I care so much about you, Alexander. I have for a very long time. I'm so sorry I can't be by your side for what's coming.

Take care of Amica and Belletra, and all the rest of my friends for me, please?

Thank you. For showing me the light. For showing me happiness. For showing me what love is.

Thank you for everything.

And just in case I never told it to you out loud, I love you.

Forever yours,
Thomas