To Learn To Fall (Sequel to the Other Side)

Chapter Twenty Seven

"Are you okay?"

"Who cares about me?"

"I care about you."

"It doesn't matter, alright? I'm fine."

"You're lying."

"So? This was never a decision that I would be making. We all knew that. Let's just keep going. Where is this place, anyway?"

"Stop trying to change the subject. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to want to talk about how you feel."

"Can we just drop it?"

"Not until you tell me that you're not okay and you tell me what's going on."

"I don't need your help."

"I know you don't need it, dumbass! But it'll help you, it'll make you feel better. You're important, Alexander. You're important to me and I don't want you to think for a second that you and your feelings don't matter."

I stood in a shocked silence. "That's the first time I think I've ever heard you swear."

Eliza crossed her arms and continued walking, following the others, who were steadily getting ahead of us. "Yeah, well. Sometimes it's necessary. Now, tell me what's wrong."

"Maybe later. I still need time to sort it out for myself." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know how I'm feeling, Eliza. I wish emotions came with an instruction manual."

"Is that a human thing?"

"What, instruction manuals? Yes. And they're very helpful."

Eliza nudged me gently with her shoulder and smoothed down the front of her overcoat. "It's going to be alright Alexander. Everything always works out in the end."

Of course I didn't believe it, but it was hard not to smile at her undying optimism. I guess it isn't just a human thing then. "Alright. We can talk about it later tonight if you really want to know so bad."

She laughed. "Sounds good. Are you excited?"

"I guess I am a little bit," I said, and it wasn't exactly a lie. I think I had the basis of what Thomas had planned, but he was unpredictable and amazing so I could be completely wrong. "What about you?"

"I can't wait. I've only seen two of these demonstrations before, and they were both so memorable and fun. I think it's going to be great."

I nodded, staring at the white carpet underneath my feet as we kept walking down the hallway, which was only getting longer with every step I took. Eliza kept talking, and though part of me was listening to her and her eternal optimism, another part wouldn't stop thinking about what had happened hours earlier.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair. This was it, this was the end of us. I might never see him again after today. We'll leave, go home to a castle that'll feel just a bit too big, and he'll stay here, and I will never see him again. And he'll forget about me, and I'm so afraid I'll forget about him after a while.

He will walk right out of my life, and there will be nothing I can do to stop him leaving.

"Alexander?"

"Hmm?" I asked, jumping back to the present when she said my name.

Her voice was soft, far too soft. I didn't need her to treat me like a child. "You're crying again. Are you sure you're alright? You can go lay down for the rest of the day if you want."

"And miss out on Thomas's performance? Doubt it," I said as brightly as I could, but Eliza wasn't convinced.

Eventually, we caught up with the others, who were standing in front of a great wooden door talking to James. I was having a little bit of trouble hearing their voices above the crowd gathered waiting outside the door.