To Learn To Fall (Sequel to the Other Side)

Chapter Fifteen

"Well," Alexander said. "It's still raining, but that's okay. It's not like I'm going anywhere, huh?" He laughed, and I felt his touch on my arm again as he crawled back into bed with me.

"Alright," said James, his hand leaving my arm moments after Alexander pulled me into a hug. "I'll talk to you later, Thomas." I heard the chair he was sitting in scrape against the ground, then footsteps slowly retreat before the door closing behind him.

Alexander didn't say anything, so for me, there was nothing but his touch. It was killing me, for the only way I could possibly communicate with him be through his voice. And it wasn't like I could respond, either. It was me just listening to him.

"Eliza'll be coming soon," Alexander said finally. "But right now, it's just you and me." He paused for a second. "When will you wake up? Can you do it soon? I really miss you. I forgot how pretty your eyes are. I forgot how much I really lo—like your voice."

The comment made warmth spring into my body, and I wanted to open my eyes and to smile up at him and to tell him how much he meant to me. But, like usual, nothing happened.

Alexander sounded disappointed when he spoke again. "Well, take your time. But, like, not too much time or anything because I really do miss you and I want to talk to you again." And just like that, he was rambling.

Divinity, I loved it when he did that. I loved his voice, and his little tendency to talk really quickly and fail to articulate as clearly whenever he was nervous or worried. It was always a trait that made my heart beat increase and blood roar to my face.

"Oh, hey!" he exclaimed suddenly, cutting himself short. "I found a Falsettos bootleg, if you wanted to listen to that. I'll go ahead and play it." But before he did, I felt him sigh. "I don't even know if you're listening to me right now. You might not be. You might be gone. Please don't be gone, okay? I miss you. I really miss you. Everyone else says it's going to be fine and I believe them, but at the same time, there's a part of me that still worries." Another pause, and I assumed he was taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from his eyes. "I'm going to play it now."

I wanted to wake up. I knew I had to. It was only fair to Alexander, and I wanted to see him again as much as he wanted to see me. I missed
him too.

But at the same time, a small part of me deep inside questioned how bad it would be if I didn't. I couldn't hurt anyone like this, and it wasn't like Alexander wouldn't get over me eventually. I could just give up, surrender myself over to darkness forever. I didn't want to live in this world anymore. Not where I could hurt him or someone else I cared about.

I'm a coward.

The single three words were constantly nagging me, but it wasn't like it was a lie.

I was a coward.

More than anything, I just wanted to be left alone. But there was always someone in this room with me. More often than not, it was Alexander, but even he needed to get away from me for a while. I didn't blame him. I didn't blame anybody but myself.

Three days had passed before I was finally ready. Sure, I had rushed my healing a little bit, but I was tired of waiting. Of having other people do stuff for me. I waited until Alexander's chest raised and fell in a slow yet gentle rhythm before I let my eyes fall open.

I was greeted by a soft blue light filtering in through the window. I took a few moments to recognize this as my room, and this as my bed. Alexander's arms were wrapped around my body, his head tucked against my neck. Then, the burning registered. I raised my arm to examine it and winced at the steel cuff wrapped around my wrist to prevent all magic or hope of.