To Learn To Fall (Sequel to the Other Side)

Chapter Twenty Four

I felt the stares of the strange people burning into my skin as I leaned against a nearby tree outside the castle. Waiting. I hated waiting with a burning passion. I hate the helplessness that arises, the itching in my fingers, and the thought that there's nothing I can do but sit. And wait.

What are we even waiting for? Where is he, and is he alright wherever he is?

I refused to stare at the door he had disappeared through, but every minute or so, I glanced up at it. And every time, I hoped to see him. And every time, I saw what I was expecting.

"Alright," I said. "I'm sick of this. Can we go inside?"

"We have to wait," said Aaron, who seemed to have no problem with the whole situation.

"We have. For almost twenty minutes. Can we go inside now?" I repeated sharply. "What can they possibly be talking about? What if Thomas is hurt?"

"How would he be hurt?" Lafayette asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the stone chair he had created for himself.

"You really want to know? Fine. There could have been a whole battalion of the kingsmen in there waiting for him! He could have become a dragon and been slaughtered brutally by a group of servants who didn't know any better! The king could have showed up randomly because he's good at that and set the whole place on fire!"

"I mean the castle's right there... not on fire... so."

"It still could happen."

Eliza cast me a smile, and I knew what she was about to say before she even opened her mouth.

"The point of the matter is that I'm worried. And I don't want to sit here doing nothing while my Th—my friend could be getting hurt." I sighed and glanced back up at the platform. "I'm a Type A person, okay?"

"I'll pretend to know what that means if you calm down," Angelica said. "I'm sure Thomas is fine, okay?"

"And I thought it wasn't your problem, anyway," James said, and a hush fell after his words.

My shoulders fell. "Look, what I said was wrong, okay? And I know it. It was a mistake."

"A mistake? Really? You think? He fucking cared about you, you know that?" James snapped, and I think this was the first time I've ever seen him truly angry. "How disposable was he to you? No, seriously. Answer me. Both of us want to know."

"I—"

"Do you know how upset he is over you? It's such bullshit. Utter bullshit, Alexander. You are horrible. What did he do wrong?"

"Okay, look," I said, searching for something to say and coming up blank under the pure scrutiny of his gaze. "What I said was wrong, and—"

"You said that," he hissed. "But it wasn't just that. It might have also been the ignoring him for no reason. Leaving him without so much as a word. It might have to do with the fact that he trusted you, and when he needed you most, you left."

"It isn't my job to make him feel good about himself."

James pressed on as if he hadn't heard me. "When I first talked to you about all this, what was my number one point?" When I didn't answer, he finally looked away. His voice came out shakily, as if he was keeping himself steady and failing miserably. "I told you not to hurt him, and that's exactly what you went ahead and did. It would be one thing to leave him, but it's another thing completely to leave him the way you did."

"Does my happiness not matter?" I spat, though it was such a minuscule and hopeless defense against the weight of his words.

"Well," Eliza said, drawing all attention to her. "Are you happy?"