To Learn To Fall (Sequel to the Other Side)

Letter Ten

My friend,
Elizabeth Schuyler,

I'm selfish. I know, I'll just say it and get it out of the way. I am incredibly selfish and I am so sorry.

You probably know about Alexander, and I know exactly what you thought. I knew it was wrong, okay? I knew what I was doing was selfish and stupid and wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to lose him because it felt so good to be cared about in such a way.

So, I'm sorry.

But, at least on the bright side, I'm dead now so you don't have to worry about me anymore!

I'm morbid. Sorry.

Anyway, that isn't the only thing I wanted to tell you, so we'll move on.

You've always been one of those people I've really respected and looked up to, but would never say so out loud. You're kind. Kind to an extent that never made sense to me before, but I've recently realized why.

But you've also shown me that being such a good person doesn't make you weak or unable to do so much.

Maybe it was something I should have tried, you know. Being a better person.

Does this make any sense at all, or am I just losing my mind?

Well, regardless, thank you for what you've shown me, and thank you for understanding.

Eliza, I really do hope that after this war is over, you live a life of happiness and peace. A life where all of this is over and you get the chance to live and to love and to raise a family, if that's what you want. You've never been an incredibly good friend of mine, but you've always been someone I felt comfortable with. Someone who I could talk to if I needed to.

And for what it's worth, I really do hope that you and Alexander become something again. I never should have gotten in your way.

Can you do me a favor? Can you watch him while I'm gone? Protect him? Keep him safe and let him know what it really is like to be loved?

That may never have been something I could have showed him.

Well, thank you.

Your friend,
Thomas Jefferson