Dear diary: How do I heal his broken heart?; Choi Soobin

Diary's Page: 5

Dear diary...

How should I feel? I have mixed emotions.

He came to my house, he wanted to talk... But in the end, it was just to push me away.

I know he's right, why would I care? I'm a nobody for him, just a classmate. This pain I feel when I see him suffering shouldn't exist, and I should try to suppress my urges to check on him every single time.

I know I should, I know all of this... But a part of me keeps telling me I can't leave him alone, even if he wants me to. Which part of me should I listen to?

I don't know, ugh... I'm tangled up inside. Why did I have to like him? Out of all the people, why him?

Maybe it would've been better if I had liked Jihoon instead. He's so funny, gentle, sweet and handsome.

But even when he's around me, Soobin is the only one in my head, in my heart.

He only confuses me, he came to push me away, but then I cried like a fool and he apologized. Was it out of pity? Or did he care?

However... I couldn't let my walls go down, so I changed the topic.

Eggbert was born today, he's such a cute little duck, and he's a Mallard.

Soobin looked so happy it actually seemed like he was a totally different person than he was before at the park. He smiled, and my heart jumped because he did even when his heart is hurting. His smile is pure and makes you feel like everything will be okay.

He's so excited to come and visit Eggbert, I couldn't refuse because it's his too. But then again, what does he want from me? Wants me to stay away or wants me to be close? Am I overthinking way too much? Should I just let him be here whenever he wants to help me with Eggbert? Should I make excuses?

What should I do? What do you want, Soobin?

I'm puzzled. I don't know what to do, but at least he seemed his usual self with me today.

Will it be the same way tomorrow?

Such a roller-coaster he is. And the worst part of it, is I don't want to get off this ride.