Dear diary: How do I heal his broken heart?; Choi Soobin

t w e n t y

A knock on the door echoes all over my house. I stand up from the couch and sniffle a few times, wiping my tears away as I walk to the door, taking a big breath before I open it.

Jihoon is standing there in front of me, with his hands in his pockets. His subtle smile vanishes as soon as he looks at my face. I give him a sad smile and step aside so he can walk in, closing the door behind us.

"Are you okay?" He asks, cupping my face with his hands. His expression is filled with concern and sadness.

I look down, grabbing his hands and pulling them away from my face, holding one of them tightly. I shake my head, sighing and dragging him to the living room. He sits on the couch, and I sit in front of him, not able to lock eyes. He lifts my face, placing his index finger and his thumb on my chin, forcing me to look at him. He smiles sadly, trying to make me feel like whatever happens, it will be okay.

"Jihoon... I..." I mutter, squeezing my eyes shut. He lifts his hand and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, a loving gesture he always had with me.

"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?" He asks softly. My eyes widen at his question, freezing my heart.

"What?" I whisper, looking him in the eyes. He pulls his hand away from my face and holds mine between both of his.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I knew this would happen." He admits, his eyes glassy. His expression is still warm and gentle, I can't believe how sweet he is.

"How?" I manage to ask, feeling my lip quivering once again when I see the pain in his eyes.

"The way you looked at him the other day spoke louder than words." He responds. "I knew your feelings hadn't changed, and never will. That's why I felt jealous, cause I knew he was there with your heart in his hands, and I would never win against him."

I tighten the hold on his hands. Hot tears straming down my eyes, caressing my already dry skin.

"Jihoon... I do love you, but-"

"But I'm not him, and I understand that." He interrupts me. "I knew this was going to end, but I just wanted to enjoy it as much as I could, as long it lasted... It was a matter of time. I knew you liked me, but I also knew you were in love with him from the beginning. I still tried, and I don't regret it."

I bring his hand to my lips, kissing the back of it as I try to hold back my sobs. His breath starts to be erratic, I broke him.

"I never meant to hurt you." I assure, my head hanging down. "I don't want to lose you, I know how much you're worth it. You're my best friend."

He leans forward, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"You gave me the chance I wanted, and I'm grateful because you tried. You made me the happiest during these months we spent together." He confesses against my hair, kissing it again. His voice is already cracking. "You won't lose me... I just need a little time to heal, but we're still friends, aren't we?"

I look up, biting my lip and sniffling. I nod, he gives me a gentle smile, but his face is full of hurt. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him as tight as I can, with him hugging me back almost immediately.

"You were more than I deserved." I whisper, tangling my fingers between the soft locks in the back of his neck. "You deserve to be loved, cherished, you deserve the whole world and I will never forgive myself for not being able to give it to you."

"You gave me your trust, your effort... And your consideration." He whispers, gently caressing my head.

"Consideration?" I ask, slightly pulling back. His beautiful face is wet, full of tears. "How can you say I am considerate with you when I'm hurting you this much, when all you ever did was being an angel with me?" I ask, caressing his cheek with my fingers.