Dear diary: How do I heal his broken heart?; Choi Soobin

Diary's Page: 11

Dear diary... It's been a while. I'm sorry, I haven't felt like writing...

It's been overwhelming, a few things had happened in my absence, where do I start?

I have a boyfriend now, Jihoon, my friend from school. He's so handsome and sweet, he always treats me like a queen and sometimes... I'm aware of the fact that I don't deserve him. Whenever he's with me, everything seems to feel better, I would be lying if I said he doesn't light up my mood. I honestly never thought someone could love me the way he does, and I know how authentic his feelings are just by the way his eyes shine so bright when he looks at me. He looks at me with so much adoration, and... We even had intimacy, I mean, not completely, but even though we didn't go as further as we could have, he touched me as if I was made of glass.

Diary, I really like him. I feel a strong attraction towards him, and I care about him a lot. I like his kisses, his hugs, his smell, his touch... But... There's something lacking inside of me.

When Jihoon is not around, there's someone else in my mind. When I go to sleep, his face isn't the last thing that comes to my mind. When I wake up, he isn't the first person I wish I could see next to me. He can ease the pain, he can make me happy... But it doesn't last, because whenever he comes around, I keep breaking down. When I hear his voice, my heart shakes, when he smiles, my world turns upside down.

I'm trying my best to be the best girlfriend for Jihoon... But I'm struggling to erase his face from my mind. I still can't erase the feeling of his lips on mine, even if it was just once. He called and said he missed me, and that was enough to make me stay up all night.

This is eating me up inside. I don't want to hurt him, I want to make Jihoon happy, but... Sometimes, I don't think I will ever be able to. I wish he could hurt me harder than I hurt him, cause I'm aware he knows the truth, what hasn't been spoken, he knows, and it hurts him. I will never forgive myself for that.

Dear diary... I wish I could rip my heart off my chest.