Hello Stranger- I'm a Disaster (Freddie Mercury love story)

28.)One Vision

Freddie:

"Hello...Hellooo? Fred? Is that you??...what's going on...,"

"John...," the words came out as a horse whisper, I felt my throat ripping from the vibration inside. "John...I can't do this. I'm not ready. I...I think I really fouled everything up...," Each word that I spoke was followed by my drunken cries. I'm not even sure how he understood what I said. Everything came out as a sob.

"Hey..it's going to be okay..Don't worry so much, I was just as scared as you," Deacy tried unsuccessfully to cheer me up. There was no way he'd understand.

I responded with an involuntary whimper into the phone. I wasn't feeling too good at all. Aside from having my heart ripped out and thrown on the pavement, I came and rented a hotel room and proceeded to see how much I could drink until I drowned.

I didn't even mean to dial Johns phone, I was staring at his number debating whether or not he could help me when I'd accidentally started the call. It didn't matter anymore. Right now, I just needed someone to talk to. Someone to LISTEN!

When I finally stopped my cries enough to talk again, I explained everything that had happened in full detail. "So you see, John. She doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't NEED me. And lets be honest here for a second, those babies will probably be better off without ME as their father! I..I can't have anyone looking up to me..I just I give up! I want to come home...," I sighed deeply. It felt a little better to get that off of my chest without being interrupted.

I heard Deacy mumble something on the other end and he thought that right now was a great time to hand the phone over to Veronica!

"Freddie just listen to me, okay? I heard everything you said...you have to understand- take it from another pregnant woman...Cherie was lashing out on you because you really hurt her feelings. If you really truely love her..you'll stay and you'll fight for your family...,". John agreed with his wife. I can't believe I have come to the point where these two are my go-to for love advice.

"If you two were listening-I said, I DID try! I tried my hardest! I broke down and cried like an infant right in front of her! She doesn't want me and I can't force her...," it felt so good getting all of this out in the open. My tears must've been all run out, because I couldn't bring myself to cry anymore. My heart just aches with a feeling of completely emptiness. Like it will never be whole again.

After some more back and forth of the Deacons trying to change my mind, we said our goodbyes without a final decision. My mind was whirling so much I felt the room spin. I laid back in the bed and tried to rest my eyes.

I woke up and felt instantly nauseous and disgusting! My head feels like a balloon and my stomach is bubbling up inside. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep. I guess alcohol and crying has the effect.

I rolled over in the lumpy bed to find my phone. No missed calls. It's a little ways after noon. In the back of my head I know Cherie should be waking up soon, too. I laid around for a while trying to let my headache subside. Trying to stop psyching myself out into believing that if I close my eyes and roll over again, I'd wake up to watch the sun rise upon my angels face. I'm going to miss her so much. I know I have to get some food in me so that I could rid this hangover.

Almost in a trance, I got up to get ready for the day. I have no idea whether to stay or go. At this point, it was just a game to see if I can deal with the fact that I might- well, that I WILL be a father, now whether or not I can live with the fact that I won't be doing any fatherly duties.

I think as long as Cherie still lives in the same place, more than likely I will send her monthly child support. Even though, she doesn't want me there, I can still play some part in helping raise the babies. Even if she just rips the checks to shreds...at least, I can say I tried.