45.) Just Remember to Say Goodbye

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We're sitting in the waiting room at the baby doctors office. This whole time Cherie has barely said a word to me. A mumble here and there if I ask her something. She hasn't mentioned the flowers, the notes, the gifts. Not that I thought any of that would fix our fight, but I did have a little hope that something would be resolved.

When I walked in the house and Cherie instantly came to hug me, I thought I'd made a little breakthrough. But then she pulled away so quickly and hasn't said anything or done anything else. I really wanted this appointment to be a happy time for us, so I thought by her waking up to such surprises, that it would lighten her mood. Maybe it has. I mean, she hasn't lashed out on me yet.

"Santiago"

Cherie's called up and I don't know why I hesitate to follow her. Does she even want me in there with her? She looks back at me to and raises her eyebrows, I guess she does want me to come. Without any more doubt, I follow.

We're taken to an empty room and Cherie's given a gown to change into before the nurse leaves the room, informing us that a doctor will be in shortly.

"Could you just, uhm...turn around, please?," She twirls her finger in a circle and although I immediately do as she says, it still saddens me.

"Okay. I'm finished," I turn back around and see her trying to hop up on the exam table. A little smirk forms on my lips, before I hide it away with my hand.

"Don't just sit there...help me..," Cherie looks so adorable all pouty and crossing her arms in a frustrated huff.

I see a handle at the foot of the table and pull on it, expanding the hidden step from inside. Putting my hand out to assist her, she takes it and now easily sat on top of the table mumbling a quick thanks.

I returned to my seat and the doctor came into the room. After reintroducing himself and asking Cherie every question in the book, he exams her and says everything is checking out so far. I wait anxiously as he turns on the screen of the ultrasound machine. This is my favorite part.

Dr. Martin says once again, everything looks where it should be. While I marvel at our little miracles moving around on the screen, Cherie speaks up.

"So, since all is well, can I get the okay to travel now?," I feel like I've just been ripped away from my bliss as I change my vision from the screen to Cherie.  She won't meet my eyes, she's just looking at the doctor and HE is looking between the both of us like he's just been put on the spot.

"Well, yes. I mean, if it's really necessary, but it would have to be soon. You're really riding the line of being too pregnant to travel anywhere." He gives me a small tight smile and I roll my eyes at him. Wrong move, buddy.

As I privately fire Dr. Martin in my head, Cherie says she's going to get dressed so I excuse myself from the room this time. In the hallway, I see the doctor coming out of another room. He walks to the nurses station unknowingly to him, I follow him there.

Tapping his shoulder, he turns around and gives me the same tight smile. "Mr. Mercury, did you have a question?," he asks so politely, I regret coming up to him this way. I'm sure my aggravated look is not a pretty sight to bare witness to.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I was wondering what you meant by Cherie being almost too pregnant for travel. Is there any risk then? If anything goes wrong on an airplane mid flight, I'm holding YOU completely responsi-"

"That's why I mentioned it should be done soon. As in the next couple of weeks, but that's it," he pat my shoulder with a heavy hand. I exhaled loudly from my nose and nodded before turning away from him.

Walking back to the room, Cherie is already outside the door waiting.

"Where did you go?" She asked as we started walking out of the place.

"Bathroom." I mumbled in response.

Cherie was mute for the car ride again. I'm not talking either, because I'm trying to figure out how the hell I convince Cherie to stay. She's far too pregnant already, in my opinion to be away from a doctors immediate care.

I pull into my garage and shut the car off. She exits the car and goes into the house. I sit inside the car still, racking my brain. I rest my head on the steering and grip it tightly. The world expects a man to buckle down and shove all emotions aside, no matter what. It's getting extremely difficult to hold back my emotions. I feel like I've been through so much since falling in love. Love hurts. Isn't that what they say? Well, it's true. Too true.

Walking into my quiet abode, I pluck at each flower I pass. Such a silly time to be asking whether she loves me or she loves me not. Shaking my head for thinking such a childish game can equate to my current dilemma, I set off to find Cherie.

Shes not in the guest room as I had expected. She's nowhere downstairs, which leads me to think she's in the nursery. Maybe she did like my present...

The nursery room door is closed and I'm not sure why I'm nervous to open a door in my own house, but I am. The door opens with a high creak sound and I almost gasped just as loudly. Cherie doesn't even turn to look at me, but she knows I'm here.

"Thank you....for everything by the way...," she's still not turned around. She's looking into one of the baby cribs. I watch her as she runs her fingers along the frilly quilt that lay inside. Waiting, still, for her to look at me, but she won't.

"You don't have to thank me, my love...," my voice quivered at the end and I moved my finger tips to clench my lips together.

Cherie's back is completely toward me now that she's looking up at our portrait. I know it was a stretch to have that picture painted of us and to put it in our children's room, but I want them to know how in love their parents once were. I want them to experience that every day, but if that's not the case, then at least they'd have this picture.

"It's lovely. Really, Freddie...I-I wish I could take it with me..," Now she fully turns around. Just in time to see my face fully in the look of a shattered man. She's leaving. Of course, she's already decided!

"Don't look at me like that. I'll be back..," she smiled and nodded her head like if it's a matter of fact.

"No, you won't...," I croak out. Already feeling my throat burning like I've just swallowed a thousand fireballs.

"Fred...we've never talked about me actually living here. It was j-just a matter of circumstance. I was only supposed to be here for a month at most, remember?," she's smiling at me but I can see straight through it. Her eyes are shining with a deep pain inside of them. There's not going to be any changing her mind or holding her back. She's got her way out now and let's see..she STILL thinks I cheated on her!

So I guess, this means I'm not even getting my chance to plea my case?! She's already decided on going and she's not only taking my children with her, but also my heart, my love, my reason for getting up every morning. What's the point in trying then?

Haven't I shown her enough? Haven't I made my house ours? A home for us and our children. Everything. Everything she wanted I would have given her!

"Freddie? I said how about we just talk about it after dinner?," I probably look like an idiot just frozen on the spot. My mind was causing too much of a ruckus to think straight. I can't tell if I'm more sad, hurt, crushed or just plain angry. Why is she being so nonchalant about this? How? Is she fucking with me!?

"Not hungry.," I gruff at her, as I quickly walk past her in the doorway. "Just remember to say goodbye before you leave, darling...," I waved my hand in the air behind me, without so much as a glance back. Hopping down the stairs, grabbing my keys from the entry table dish by the front door. I walk out, like it was no big deal. I open the garage door from outside and take my car out for a spin. If SHE acts like it's not a major thing for her to be leaving like this, then two can play at that game. And I'll win, too.

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